This site is for the Mark & Naomi Iliff family. For Mark’s work persona go to Talespinner

Iliff-King phrasebook

definitionexample, origin & notes

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Like most families, we’ve accumulated an odd collection of words and sayings. For the fun of it, we’ve started writing them down.

“Family” includes Arthurs, Baineses, Bouwers, Burns, Claydons, Collards, Dixons, Ellis-Kings, Evelyns, Gallaghers, Gordons, Harrisons, Harrison-Bouwers, Healiffs, Healys, Hugheses, Iliffs, Janeses, Kings, King-Sheards, Macarthurs, Mazes, Quintons, Taggarts, Tomatoes, Westerhoffs… and anyone else who can stand the shame.

Number of entries so far: 988.

word/phrase of the day

spacemen drop-off n: Specimen drop-off >

latest additions

Rockin’ Goose n: Angus Rock, also known as Rock Angus, a skerry that stands in the middle of the entrance to Strangford Lough ● 30 Sep >

insa fishy tarn o’ the coont exp: I could make no sense of what they just said ● 30 Sep >

wacha kelele exc: Be quiet! Pipe down! Shut up! ● 30 Sep >

bull fiddle n: Stand-up bass ● 30 Sep >

VP-tent n: Vickers VC10, a commercial airliner ● 30 Sep >

Fodgy n: Swanage, a Dorset seaside town ● 30 Sep >

Pinchmi-Wel verse: A little-known acquaintance of Adam and Eve ● 11 Aug >

city of screaming tyres n: Oxford ● 11 Aug >

Chi n: Chichester, the (only) city in West Sussex ● 11 Aug >

word association football n: Word association ● 11 Aug >

which is why I’m bothering telling you so exp: Used after explaining the relevance of an apparently tangential comment ● 11 Aug >

misread between the lines v: Detect subtext that the speaker/writer didn’t intend ● 28 Jul >

book view

Book view lets you browse the phrasebook by date added, alphabetically or by popularity.

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The explorer lets you:

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collectors

If you’re wondering who all these people are, Collectors will give you an idea.

(If you’re not you’d find it crushingly dull.)

all entries

0000

1-2-3 wash yourself, ducky!

14155

a boy is a boy…

a chill wind in the Trossachs

a crow, letting

a day late and a dollar short

a kangaroo loose in the top paddick

a light to lighten the genitals

a peach of a boat

a pint of water’s a pound and a quarter, except in US where it’s less

a touch of the don’t-want-to-goes

A-flute

aber eine wurst hatte zwei ende

aha, Rasputin, the mad monk, climbing up those Russian steppés!

all of a sudden a big black pudding came floating through the air

all the way round sir?

and hadn’t we the gaeity at Phil the fluter’s ball

and the band played Believe it if you like

another saucer of milk?

anti-cretinous

any more laid back, his bum would fall off

appalAchian contrOllay

aprishotts

are bears Catholic?

are we gentry or do we stack?

ars bin

arsnip

as innocent as a nun at a bus stop

as thick as an elephant bap

as your mummy say, you’ll grow into it

ashpan

assumptions make an ass of ump and tions

basking hickory stick

bet that’s cooled his biryani down a bit

big organs run in the family

bloody great balloons

blop

blue and green should never be seen except on a donkey’s back

BO-er

Bob Cox

bobaligoo

Bob’s your parent’s sibling

bonbon ching gum caramel!

Brandywine Thistlebottom

breathe in, it’s good for you

bum of the flightle bee

by gum I’m stuck. What am I?

canned elephant’s prick

can’t get his tongue round his Rs

chained to the oar of a magnificent galley

changed his 40 for two 20s and found he wasn’t wired for it

charge like a wounded bull

charming ladies

cheerum chorum chaw chocalorum

cigar-shaped aluminum tube in the sky

city of screaming tyres

Claypots

Cla’am

cleveh

clever people like me who talk loudly in restaurants

come to the cookhouse door, boys!

conkerbox

contribute!

contrived delights of LA

couldn’t organise a black pudding

cover it over quick, Jemima!

dance of the bogbrush fairies

dangleway

de petits pois

dead, and never called me mother

defillibrator

deg

Déjà Vu

delusions of adequacy

Depeche Mode

der dee twiddly, dee twiddly, dee botty-cracks

dere ’tis!

desecrated coconut

dial, face, mug, pan or mat

diddle diddle dumpling, mice and John

didn’t want it ANYway!

disgusterous

do a Thomas

do I have to eat the beak?

do it self!

do not the gate

do you want me to write a letter?

don’t bandy legs with me

dry as a Nullarbor rabbit

elephants and teaspoons

elsan position

elsh

emPHAHsis on the wrong syllAHble

empty sugar bags

encambula

enough blue to make a pair of sailor’s trousers

envelote

epoophany

espikkin wahds a weezdum

Eugene One-Gin

everybody’s got to be somewhere

fiat lux, a remark attributed to God

flat out, like a lizard drinking

forgetty bowl of naise

forn prongs

foul infidel! Know you have trod on the toe of Abul Abulbul Amir!

fundo-cubital dislocia

gawn awf and gawt lawst

gee what great looking kids – are they adopted?

generation J

get aht t’road ye silly beggar!

get off and milk it!

get off home with you!

give every flying moment something to remember it by

glass cherries

Gnomey Alewife

go commando

go swimming with the children

Goat Herders’ Guide to the Galaxy (or GHGTTG)

gobble

god rest you jerry mentlemen

Great Aunt Pottymouth

hand in one’s badge and gun

hankerchoof

Harwich for the Continent, {Frinton} for the incontinent

hatches, matches and despatches

here’s a tanner each to go away

hey little horsey, don’t you stop

hey, Mr Squirrel, pull your pants up!

he’s got that round his neck

hiding behind the door when the brains were handed out

Higwi Kombi

His Majesty’s Lunchbox

hoddududuh

hoggry tiglets!

hogwashing hat

hoist on his/her/your own door-bomb

hold back my sleeve while I put my finger to my forehead

hollow legs

holly bush

home again, home again, jiggedy jog

hot will grow cold, if greedy will wait

how awdinawy!

how’s your belly off for spots?

I could have cooked at home

I did not know that death had undone so many

I don’t boil my cabbages twice

I expect nothing. I fear nothing. I am free.

I have had an elegant sufficiency

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons

I laughed until I stopped

I lift up my finger and I say tweet tweet

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by

I only dropped them once

I remember being in Scotland

I saw Esau sitting an a seesaw

I see said the blind man as he walked into a lampost

I takin’ my sack and my boots

I thought we were having a PSA

I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki

I wanna beetroot

I want gets nothing

I want to watch me daddy pee

I was a fool to think the old Percy was dead

I would as lief ’erd ‘ens

idées au dessus de son gare

if he fell into basin full of boobs he’d come out sucking his thumb

if I could walk that way I wouldn’t need the talcum powder

if I wasn’t a gunner I wouldn’t be here

if UCP on tripe don’t eat it

if you can’t help don’t hinder

if you can’t trivialise it it’s not worth saying

if you enjoyed it half as much...

if you get there first, draw a chalk line; if I get there first, I’ll rub it out

if you have been, thank you for listening

if you’re up that way with your teeth

insa fishy tarn o’ the coont

insult

is it not passing fair to be a King and ride in triumph through Persepolis?

it has a better chance now

it was in the last place I looked

it’s been a bad year for Scottish hill farmers

it’s just an if-statement

it’s no skin off my teeth

it’s not rocket surgery

it’s only a trifle said the monkey

it’s only me Naymee!

it’s the water

it’s worse than the ticktolleroo

I’ll have the other half now

I’ll raise a bunion on his Spanish onion

I’m as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth

I’m taking it back

I’ve got my big eating hat on!

jagular

jam sandwich

Japanese jibble-jobs

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey!

King Midas has ass’s ears

ladies of negotiable affection

lah-pom

land of hopeless Tories

lapsang shoepong

law of diminishing astonishment

laxadaisical

le chien retourne a son propre vomissement

le grand fromage lui-même

let my son have the ball!

Lethal Festival

let’s find out, shall we?

let’s put the roof on first

let’s put the roof on first…

Li Phook

lie like a flatfish

light a candle to Saint Anthony

like a goanna up a gum tree

like Lot’s wife

like the fat lady – all behind

limerish

listen to the silence!

little birdie flying high

little teapots have big spouts

Liztrak

lobster pop

loggy sticks

long may your big jib draw

longhetti

longwe liklik

Lontink

looks like you’ve been working on it for eight hours

Lord Jesus hangs on a peg. Which peg does he hang on?

Maggie Murphy’s please park prettily

make friends in cookhouse

makes your eyebrows sweat

may your wheels turn square and your petrol turn to water!

mece

mental floss

mexicakes

Milly-Molly-Mandy house

mingo

minion

Ministry of Tidy Folk

Ministry of Tidy Ruins

misery bite

misery chest

mismanglement

misread between the lines

more of a meal than a drink

Moses

most highly flavoured gravy

Mr Brown upstairs smoking

my aunt, having made a telephone call, is feeling very much better

my back, my belly and my two sides

my colleague of the sandpit

my wife’s wedding anniversary

my word, Hetty

myzled

Nacirema

named after famous letters of the alphabet

nanny nagface

nice parking job, big guy!

no one knows me in Melbourne, so it doesn’t matter what I wear. Everyone knows me in Yarragon, so it doesn’t matter what I wear!

no use to man or dog

no, it was a new one

no, it’s just the way I’m breathing

noddles

North Pole, duty penguin

north-south-west

nose pie

not much of anything, but well and truly elegant

Notlob

now mighty Caesar turned to clay might stop a wall to keep the wind away

now the weather turns quite dirty and the clock it strikes five-thirty

oddfather / oddmother

Odgers

oh bother!

oh dear… how sad… never mind

on the way to Meeting, I saw a butterfly and it reminded me of God

on the wonk

one goat!

One I love, Two I love, Three I love, I say

one more shirt will do me

one up, one down, one polisher

one-legged Santa at an arse kicking party

ontray!

oomagoolie

open the breach and fire the gun

operator

oponopof

optical illusion, man!

optometrist method

ordinary Australian tea

our friend who travels on his belly

palanquin hee, palanquin ho

pas de freinage violent inutile

percussive maintenance

perslongings

PhD point

pick a note or go home

politician’s syllogism

practise beforehand which ruins the fun

punctuality is a politeness of kings

pune or play on words

purple-headeds

pushen

put fur/hair round it!

put it away – nothing wrong with it

put the lumps in the gravy

p’daahlo

queece

rabbit of negative euphoria

richtigetonneohnenachbarnprüfenstolz

Riding to Llandudno on a charabanc…

run around to get wet

shabby and miscellaneous

short arms, deep pockets

shot a bunny

showing all you possess

shrapnel

shrimp-wrapped

shusho

shut up and give your arse a chance

slap it in the middle and we’ll all get a bit

slimy ming fruit

sloppies

smells like coffee, looks like cocoa

snotty gobbles (or snot block)

some people really work at being miserable

squashed fly biscuits

Stirling Moss, chica/chico!

straight-straight-straight

stuck in me clack

stumps (or call stumps)

stunned mullet

subtropical swimming paradise

sun, sea, sand and, er…, palms

take the smooth with the rough

takes the skin off your teeth

talkie-walkie

tall, dark and handsome… and slightly out of focus

taramadiddle

tassel

tasting diamonds

teaching wolves to chase sledges

thank you Mrs Lowsborough Goosborough

that man did smack me with a needle!

that’s an acquired taste: you either like it or you don’t

that’s easy for you to say

that’s pissed on me chips!

that’s small onions

that’s the badger!

that’s your shauri!

the artist is making a joke

the blind Doges of Venice

the camels are coming hurrah, hurrah!

the chop

the crow makes wing to th’ rooky wood

the customer is always the customer

the door’s not shut on my genius but…

the full catastrophe

the gap towns

the good ship Slap-it-with-a-ruler

the job’s a good ’un

the Marmalade Bush

the nut holding the steering wheel

the pit is in

the telephone upon the wall

the value of your investment can fall as well as plummet

The Whizzer There Was

then on Friday… no, tell a lie, it was the Saturday

there are gazelles in the thicket

there was a young man of Tralee

there we are then!

there’s a ghost, there’s a ghost, throw a flannel at its face!

there’s no show without Punch

thermosk

they are curlews of the fenland!

they’ll never sell ice creams at that speed

those aren’t bananas they’re plantains

thoughcus

three ha’p’orth of gawd help us

tight as a crab’s arse under water

time to put clothes on

tolerably early night

turn the knob on your side

two minutes’ silence for the joke that just died

uninvited guest at every conversation

unleaded

unmatched pointer

up to a point, Lord Copper

visitors! Not visitors AGAIN!

we are the cockyolly birds all red and green and gold

we won’t have to go to Wales now I brung yer ’ere

wee board

wee knights

well and truly sought after

well that barrel didn’t need scraping

wellcome home

Wert

we’ve squeezed the goodness out of that

whackers

whackysticky

what a day dad had!

what a fall of royalty!

what about a water bottle Wattle?

what has it got in its pocketses?

what mind is here o’erthrown

what will you have? said the waiter

whearr be ye to?

when a man is tired of Bracknell…

when I was a little girl like you…

when you get to the final, you win

where we have been no-one shall find, For not a trace have we left behind

where we have been, no-one can tell

where’s the yucky bowl?

which is why I’m bothering telling you so

which wind begins with F?

while you’re on your feet…

who’s going round the roundabout?

who’s “she” – the cat’s mother?

wi’ oor knickers hangin’ doon

wo der Kaiser zu fuss geht

wobblevoice

wobulence

WOMBAT

word association football

worms’ boggin’ holes

Wrox-ham

wut‽

yam all right our kid?

yellow is mellow, but if it’s brown flush it down

Yizanastikov the Russian

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You are very ugly today, Pa / Ma Ubu!

you can go off people

you daft ha’p’orth!

you may walk down the garden to pick corn, but you must run back!

you must give me the recipe

your egg’s broken

your tiny hand is frozen!

you’ve all done very well

inclusion criteria

Nothing particularly strict, really. Just looking for words and phrases that are used more than never by Mark & Naomi and their relatives (personal insults and bad swears aside, of course: if you’re looking for terms like Fingers Forder or motherforker you won’t find them here, oh deary me no).

Terms in general usage don’t really belong, unless used with a particular twist. Regional expressions, on the other hand, are great – the weirder the better.

how to contribute

If you are able to improve an existing entry, or just have a comment to make, use the comment facility (bottom of each word page).

If you have one or two submissions, send them to Mark. If you have lots, let him know and he’ll set you up with an editor account.