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Like most families, we’ve accumulated an odd collection of words and sayings. For the fun of it, we’ve started writing them down.

“Family” includes Arthurs, Baineses, Bouwers, Burns, Claydons, Collards, Dixons, Ellis-Kings, Evelyns, Gallaghers, Gordons, Harrisons, Harrison-Bouwers, Healiffs, Healys, Hugheses, Iliffs, Janeses, Kings, King-Sheards, Macarthurs, Mazes, Quintons, Taggarts, Tomatoes, Westerhoffs… and anyone else who can stand the shame.

Number of entries so far: 942.

word/phrase of the day

p-o-tat-oes verse: Callback to a song: p-o-tat-oes O OOOO O OO >

latest additions

ducklings n: Collective term for various waifs and strays in one’s life ● 12 Feb >

tronken adj: Drunk ● 12 Feb >

0000 n: Location where everything is alright. Specifically the sofa Joy sits on at home ● 12 Feb >

kelp adj: Happy to go with the flow ● 12 Feb >

head-canon n: Information about an intellectual property that is not explicitly in the text but is in one’s head to explain away an inconsistency/fill in a detail ● 12 Feb >

Stephen Physics n: 1. Personification of physics 2. Any physical law that provides an obstacle in life ● 12 Feb >

_y-tiger adj: Completed with the relationship e.g. mummy/wifey/spousey to mean being naturally protective of someone with whom you have that relationship ● 12 Feb >

fimsy n: Gentle fun wordplay ● 12 Feb >

tasting diamonds v: The experience of breathing in very cold air ● 12 Feb >

tiny dragon n: The strange throat grumblings/squeakings/croakings made by an active digestive system ● 12 Feb >

Mangerton (going) n: Finally snapping and expressing one’s wordless anger - particularly if this is due to moving goalposts ● 12 Feb >

on pots hooray! exc: 1. You have finally understood the thing I have been walking you to that I think is obvious. 2. We are looking at some ancient pottery including some form of decoration. 3. We are about to watch The Great Pottery Throwdown (more recent usage) ● 12 Feb >

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explorer

Explore The explorer lets you:

collectors

Collectors If you’re wondering who all these people are, Collectors will give you an idea.

(If you’re not you’d find it crushingly dull.)

all entries

0000

1-2-3 wash yourself, ducky!

14155

81

a boy is a boy…

a chill wind in the Trossachs

a crow, letting

a day late and a dollar short

a kangaroo loose in the top paddick

a light to lighten the genitals

a peach of a boat

a pint of water’s a pound and a quarter, except in US where it’s less

a touch of the don’t-want-to-goes

A-flute

aber eine wurst hatte zwei ende

abratadabra

accident

Action Town

add more lightness

AFM

ah-ahs

aha, Rasputin, the mad monk, climbing up those Russian steppés!

ahiggit ahugget

alec tricity

aleebee

alibaba

all of a sudden a big black pudding came floating through the air

all the way round sir?

All’ Barone

ambliance

American seat

amontiddly-doh

amtriguous

ancestor tea

and hadn’t we the gaeity at Phil the fluter’s ball

and the band played Believe it if you like

another saucer of milk?

anti-cretinous

any more laid back his bum would fall off

appalAchian contrOllay

aprishotts

are bears Catholic?

are we gentry or do we stack?

ars bin

arsnip

as innocent as a nun at a bus stop

as thick as an elephant bap

ashpan

assumptions make an ass of ump and tions

Aunty Brute

Aunty Mark

Australian naming

autocucumber

automagically

avian fornication

B I tish

B-fart

babu peechi lal

baby abluga

back dazzler

bagaloons

Barley-sugar Legs

barsteward

Basingrad

basking hickory stick

bastardsphere

bat tsch-tsch

bathroom thought

be told!

bearded mushrooms

bee-loud glade

beef cut

beefa leefa

beep conveyor

Beezlebub

Belgian pish

Ben Yehuda

bet that’s cooled his biryani down a bit

Betelgwayzay

betty swallocks

bezz pawk

biddle biddle

bidet

big clock

big crisp

big organs run in the family

Biggles flies undone

Bildad the Shuhite

bim

bingbongabangbang

birdy num-num

BKJ

black-coated workers

blick auf

blind mullet

bloody great balloons

blop

BO-er

Bob Cox

bobaligoo

Bob’s your parent’s sibling

body coddler

bog

bogflosher

bogpaper music

boil the billy

boinga

boîte sur toit

bonbon ching gum caramel!

bong

boom and scrunch

Boom-holé

bouncealine

Brandywine Thistlebottom

breathe in, it’s good for you

brown katies

brunty

bug rake

bum in the air

bum of the flightle bee

bumbag aloo

bumbalo bag

bumcack

bumhug

bumnuts

bumpity bolliko

bumpity-bolliko

burgalarm

Burly Chassis

buttons on a wall

by gum I’m stuck. What am I?

canned elephant’s prick

can’t get his tongue round his Rs

case case case

cash’n’flash

cast nasturtiums

castrated

catch a falling poo

chained to the oar of a magnificent galley

changed his 40 for two 20s and found he wasn’t wired for it

charge like a wounded bull

charming ladies

cheerum chorum chaw chocalorum

chill on the kidneys

chilli gone barmy

chilly bin

chocolate board

chutney

cigar-shaped aluminum tube in the sky

Claypots

Cla’am

cleveh

clever people like me who talk loudly in restaurants

clickage

clootie

cock a deaf ’un

cock-a-leg

cockpit ape

code yellow

coffinated

collapsize

Columbo bladder

combine hoover

come to the cookhouse door, boys!

conkerbox

contribute!

contrived delights of LA

cooking fat!

Coorg’s

Copper Pisspot, The

Cornish nasty

couldn’t organise a black pudding

cover it over quick, Jemima!

cowp

crack the sads

crank tea

cronky donkey

crop dusting

crunchy plate

cuddly tick bird

cunkspangle

cunsternoon afterble

curtains generation

da hoover’s broke

daddy socks

dance of the bogbrush fairies

dangleway

de petits pois

dead, and never called me mother

defillibrator

deg

Déjà Vu

delusions of adequacy

Depeche Mode

der dee twiddly, dee twiddly, dee botty-cracks

dere ’tis!

desecrated coconut

dial, face, mug, pan or mat

diddle diddle dumpling, mice and John

didn’t want it ANYway!

disgusterous

do a Thomas

do I have to eat the beak?

do it self!

do not the gate

do you want me to write a letter?

doit

don fly!

donkey manure

donkeys

don’t bandy legs with me

doobry

dots

Douglas Badger

down the red lane!

downside up

Dr Thos

Draconia

drafty draft

dry as a Nullarbor rabbit

ducklings

dudu

dudu maki

dumsey-whumnuts

dunny diver

dusty end

E-Type punt

earbash

East Ham

EBI

ecilop

effluent

eh bien, merde alors

eh wallah

elderflosh

elephant paper

elephants and teaspoons

elsan position

elsh

emPHAHsis on the wrong syllAHble

empty sugar bags

encambula

envelote

epoophany

everybody’s got to be somewhere

extinguished

Fabrézé

Fairy Nuff

fall over blackwards

fart young smeller

fartidoodalus

fast thinking walk

Father Twiss-Twiss

festive gooch

FHB

fiat lux, a remark attributed to God

Fiddlywaxeye

fimsy

fin de saison

fire eng truck

fissle

fizzy knitting

flaming brandinis

flappy meats

flappy plate

flappyfishogram

flaptop

flat out, like a lizard drinking

flatusphere

flea rake

flippin’ ug

flock of sparrows

floor sweepings

floordrobe

flopsam & jepsam

flosh

Floss

fluff

flutterby

fly squatter

FOFO

fok strongbody

for Ron

Forderism

forgetty bowl of naise

forn prongs

foul infidel! Know you have trod on the toe of Abul Abulbul Amir!

fox’s puss

fraggleflops

front loader

full-fat electricity

fundo-cubital dislocia

furphy

fustercluck

garnsed up

gash

gawn awf and gawt lawst

gee what great looking kids – are they adopted?

generation J

get aht t’road ye silly beggar!

get off and milk it!

get off home with you!

give every flying moment something to remember it by

glass cherries

Gnomey Alewife

go commando

go swimming with the children

Goat Herders’ Guide to the Galaxy (or GHGTTG)

gobble

god rest you jerry mentlemen

goggrybaggies

Golliwog railway

good girl, Daddy

good moaning

goodndit

goosegog

gorillas

grabled exnaplation

Grauniad

graunty / gruncle

Great Aunt Pottymouth

Grey Funnel Line

Grindelchomps

grouse

gubby

Gusto

haddoncave

Hairy Pudder

hand in one’s badge and gun

hankerchoof

Harwich for the Continent, {Frinton} for the incontinent

hatches, matches and despatches

haus sik

have speaks

he seems nice

head-canon

here’s a tanner each to go away

hey little horsey, don’t you stop

hey, Mr Squirrel, pull your pants up!

he’s got that round his neck

hiding behind the door when the brains were handed out

Higwi Kombi

His Majesty’s Lunchbox

hoddududuh

hoggry tiglets!

hogwashing hat

hoist on his/her/your own door-bomb

hold back my sleeve while I put my finger to my forehead

hollow legs

holly bush

home again, home again, jiggedy jog

homeopathic vodka

honey money

honker

hoof-hearted

hopsital

hopt out

Horrible Life

Horrids

horse apples

horse droppings

horse’s douvers

hot bottyflosher

hot holders

hot will grow cold, if greedy will wait

how awdinawy!

how’s your belly off for spots?

hullabaloo

humididity

hyper-bowl

hypodemic nerdle

I can walk from here

I Clavdivs

I could have cooked at home

I did not know that death had undone so many

I don’t boil my cabbages twice

I expect nothing. I fear nothing. I am free.

I have had an elegant sufficiency

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons

I laughed until I stopped

I lift up my finger and I say tweet tweet

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by

I only dropped them once

I remember being in Scotland

I saw Esau sitting an a seesaw

I see said the blind man as he walked into a lampost

I takin’ my sack and my boots

I thought we were having a PSA

I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki

I wanna beetroot

I want gets nothing

I want to watch me daddy pee

I was a fool to think the old Percy was dead

I would as lief ’erd ‘ens

idées au dessus de son gare

if he fell into basin full of boobs he’d come out sucking his thumb

if I could walk that way I wouldn’t need the talcum powder

if I wasn’t a gunner I wouldn’t be here

if UCP on tripe don’t eat it

if you can’t help don’t hinder

if you can’t trivialise it it’s not worth saying

if you enjoyed it half as much...

if you get there first, draw a chalk line; if I get there first, I’ll rub it out

if you have been, thank you for listening

if you’re up that way with your teeth

Ikea name

Iliff Point

Iliff Wight

imaginary friend

in all my born days

in days gone by

in heated agreement

in the nothings

include me out

insult

is it not passing fair to be a King and ride in triumph through Persepolis?

it has a better chance now

it was in the last place I looked

it’s been a bad year for Scottish hill farmers

it’s just an if-statement

it’s no skin off my teeth

it’s not rocket surgery

it’s only a trifle said the monkey

it’s only me Naymee!

it’s the water

it’s worse than the ticktolleroo

I’ll have the other half now

I’ll raise a bunion on his Spanish onion

I’m as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth

I’m taking it back

I’ve got my big eating hat on!

jagular

jam sandwich

Japanese jibble-jobs

Jo-Jo le Plongeur

jock

Joe Blake

jolly hockey sticks

kabiss

Kahula

katsik

kelp

kettle

King Midas has ass’s ears

kiss me WHAT‽

kiwi

knicker picker

knock it on the head

kom bibi, bibi!

Krapy Rubsnif

kumu

kwinoa

ky-oo Daddy!

ladies of negotiable affection

lah-pom

land of hopeless Tories

law of diminishing astonishment

laxadaisical

le chien retourne a son propre vomissement

le grand fromage lui-même

le très chose

leaf blower

leave it to cook

left hand down a bit

let it cuik!

let my son have the ball!

Lethal Festival

let’s find out, shall we?

let’s put the roof on first

let’s put the roof on first…

Li Phook

lie like a flatfish

light a candle to Saint Anthony

like a goanna up a gum tree

like Lot’s wife

like the fat lady – all behind

limerish

listen to the silence!

little birdie flying high

little teapots have big spouts

Liztrak

lobster pop

loggy sticks

long may your big jib draw

longhetti

longwe liklik

Lontink

looks like you’ve been working on it for eight hours

Lord Jesus hangs on a peg. Which peg does he hang on?

lubricants

lumps

lumpy ming fruit

Ma son’s a prawn

madman in the attic

maflingo

Maggie Murphy’s please park prettily

make friends in cookhouse

makes your eyebrows sweat

manchester

Mangerton (going)

Marcus Aurelius

mardy

may your wheels turn square and your petrol turn to water!

mental floss

mexicakes

Milly-Molly-Mandy house

mingo

Ministry of Tidy Folk

Ministry of Tidy Ruins

misery bite

misery chest

mismanglement

Miss Moppett

Miss/Master Flum Bum

mloddy

mollydooker

more of a meal than a drink

Moses

most highly flavoured gravy

Mount Ararat

Mount Toberead

move your lips!

mozarella

Mr Brown upstairs smoking

Mr Bump

muchos cocineros!

Muggerborski

Mulligan’s Tyres

murano

my aunt, having made a telephone call, is feeling very much better

my back, my belly and my two sides

my colleague of the sandpit

my wife’s wedding anniversary

my word, Hetty

myzled

Nacirema

nanny nagface

nice parking job, big guy!

niggs

nim

nipple cake

no bones in it!

no fun allowed

no use to man or dog

no, it was a new one

no, it’s just the way I’m breathing

noddles

North Pole, duty penguin

north-south-west

nose pie

not much of anything, but well and truly elegant

Notlob

now mighty Caesar turned to clay might stop a wall to keep the wind away

now the weather turns quite dirty and the clock it strikes five-thirty

noxious weed

noy

NQOTD

nucking futter

oatygoats

obsquecious

obstacular

oddfather / oddmother

Odgers

oh bother!

oh dear… how sad… never mind

oh Lucky Jim!

old bagaloon

old folk joke

omzetbelasting

on pots hooray!

on the way to Meeting, I saw a butterfly and it reminded me of God

on the wonk

one goat!

One I love, Two I love, Three I love, I say

one more shirt will do me

one up, one down, one polisher

one-legged Santa at an arse kicking party

ontray!

oomagoolie

op

open the breach and fire the gun

operator

optical illusion, man!

optometrist method

ordinary Australian tea

organ donor

orpathedic

osh

oslo

our friend who travels on his belly

ours

ouzo

Oyé

p-o-tat-oes

PAC

Page Nine

palanquin hee, palanquin ho

pang!

panty

par cark

park by ear

park-anywheres

parroty error

pas de freinage violent inutile

pasteurised is best

paucey

Pawdawfawdy

PEBUCK

peelywally

peelywally baggie

peepy-eyed

percussive maintenance

perslongings

PhD point

pick a note or go home

pick up fagends

pictureskew

piece of chelief

pif-pof-paf

Piglet

pimps

pince mie

pingams

pinghole

pither

PLAN AHE

playback

plug

plup in a cup

POETS day

poffle

pointèd stick

poo tickets

Pope scuttle

Poppa Piccolino

popular beat combo

pornograph

potato sock

poverty model

practise beforehand which ruins the fun

prat flaps

premium bomb

prickly pig

priest car

priestage

pron

propelleper

prunt

puffin break

pugsaw jizzle

pump

pumpkin time

punctuality is a politeness of kings

pune or play on words

purple-headeds

pushen

put fur/hair round it!

put it away – nothing wrong with it

put the lumps in the gravy

p’daahlo

QB

queece

rabbit of negative euphoria

rattle your dags!

ready-ready

rectal floss

redbrick

renana

rent to the ideal

respectawiggle

richtigetonneohnenach­barnprüfenstolz

Riding to Llandudno on a charabanc…

roastby spuds

rough as a badger

RTFM

rumble-tumble

run around to get wet

SA0

sadlydie

saganaki!

said Aunt Helga

Saint Sean

salad pie

samting, nating

sat in a tyre

sausinge

scraper

seagull

sealion

second coffee

senseless man

shabby and miscellaneous

sham-PAG-nee

shenzi

sherman

shith-ooze

shitzu

shivery bite

short arms, deep pockets

shot a bunny

showing all you possess

shrapnel

shrimp-wrapped

shusho

shut up and give your arse a chance

sickly cake

Silliam William

Sister / Brother

sixpence!

SLAB DISH PIG GUFF

slap it in the middle and we’ll all get a bit

slimy ming fruit

sloppies

smells like coffee, looks like cocoa

smoko

Smoky Tree, the

Snablats

sniggle

snorker

snortelly snips

snot harpoon

snotty gobbles (or snot block)

so you do that

sof

soft day

soft poop

some people really work at being miserable

sooky

sorry-pardon

sound as a pound

soya sturvya

spacemen drop-off

spanish Tourette’s

sparkling plugs

sparrow piss

sparrowfart

spearmint wino

spider

spider werb

Spindleshanks

splash and dash

splash me boots!

spoons

spose

squabble & beak

square eyes

square measles

squashed fly biscuits

squeamful

St Reatham

stabbing

Stephen Physics

Steve

stiffie

Stinkyniger

Stirling Moss, chica/chico!

straight-straight-straight

stuck in me clack

stumps (or call stumps)

stunned mullet

subtropical swimming paradise

sun, sea, sand and, er…, palms

surface filing

Suss-ar-ekal!

susu

susu bilong bulmacow

sweat cobs

swing-door face

swooshbox

T-rain

tadpoles

take the smooth with the rough

takes the skin off your teeth

talkie-walkie

tall, dark and handsome… and slightly out of focus

taramadiddle

tassel

tasting diamonds

teaching wolves to chase sledges

Teetee de Boof

tell it not in Gath

tentacles

Teshco

testiculae loquans

testiculate

thalassa! thalassa!

thank you Mrs Lowsborough Goosborough

that man did smack me with a needle!

that’s an acquired taste: you either like it or you don’t

that’s pissed on me chips!

that’s small onions

that’s the badger!

that’s your shauri!

the artist is making a joke

the blind Doges of Venice

the camels are coming hurrah, hurrah!

the chop

the crow makes wing to th’ rooky wood

the customer is always the customer

the door’s not shut on my genius but…

the full catastrophe

the gap towns

the good ship Slap-it-with-a-ruler

the job’s a good ’un

the Marmalade Bush

the nut holding the steering wheel

the pit is in

the telephone upon the wall

the value of your investment can fall as well as plummet

The Whizzer There Was

then on Friday… no, tell a lie, it was the Saturday

there are gazelles in the thicket

there was a young man of Tralee

there we are then!

there’s a ghost, there’s a ghost, throw a flannel at its face!

there’s no show without Punch

thermosk

they are curlews of the fenland!

they’ll never sell ice creams at that speed

those aren’t bananas they’re plantains

thoughcus

three ha’p’orth of gawd help us

three-ee blice

thunderwobbler

tibbit!

ticky tacky

tight as a crab’s arse under water

time to put clothes on

Tinkwinky Teapot

tinkywinky

tiny dragon

tisbic

tisswiss for Mummy

toasty bombola

toed in the hole

tolerably early night

Tony Tortoise

too much admin

tramampoline

trivium

tronken

trough

trowers

trypo

Turd & Cabbage

turn the knob on your side

two minutes’ silence for the joke that just died

two-six

ump and tions

un joo lating

undercrackers

undercrunk

underneath-th-th

uninvited guest at every conversation

unleaded

unmatched pointer

up to a point, Lord Copper

up your end

Useless

vacs up nice

vauum

village aunty

visitors! Not visitors AGAIN!

Vladdy the Baddy

vladivostok

vogon

vollay!

vollyvongs

vulture capitalist

wadundudundu

wall botherer

Waly Disneq

wankpanzer

warned in a dream

warning-warning

Warr-Doorr

wash horses

washing machine

we are the cockyolly birds all red and green and gold

we won’t have to go to Wales now I brung yer ’ere

wee board

wee knights

well and truly sought after

wellcome home

Wert

we’ve squeezed the goodness out of that

whackers

whackysticky

what a day dad had!

what a fall of royalty!

what about a water bottle Wattle?

what mind is here o’erthrown

what will you have? said the waiter

whearr be ye to?

when a man is tired of Bracknell…

when I was a little girl like you…

when you get to the final, you win

where we have been no-one shall find, For not a trace have we left behind

where we have been, no-one can tell

where’s the yucky bowl?

which wind begins with F?

while you’re on your feet…

whin

whipper snipper

white horse

white seals

whocares

who’s died?

who’s going round the roundabout?

who’s “she” – the cat’s mother?

Whydofools

william-nilliam

windowscreen

winnebago

wishywashy place

wisp

with two plombs

wi’ oor knickers hangin’ doon

wo der Kaiser zu fuss geht

wobblevoice

wobulence

WOMBAT

worms’ boggin’ holes

wut‽

yam all right our kid?

yellow is mellow, but if it’s brown flush it down

Yizanastikov the Russian

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You are very ugly today, Pa / Ma Ubu!

you can go off people

you daft ha’p’orth!

you must give me the recipe

your egg’s broken

your tiny hand is frozen!

you’ve all done very well

yow cor wack it

yuckerypoogens!

zembil

zizzer-zoof seeds

zlotniks

_y-tiger

’twill fit!!

inclusion criteria

Nothing particularly strict, really. Just looking for words and phrases that are used more than never by Mark & Naomi and their relatives (personal insults and bad swears aside, of course: if you’re looking for terms like Fingers Forder or motherforker you won’t find them here, oh deary me no).

Terms in general usage don’t really belong, unless used with a particular twist. Regional expressions, on the other hand, are great – the weirder the better.

how to contribute

If you are able to improve an existing entry, or just have a comment to make, use the comment facility (bottom of each word page).

If you have one or two submissions, send them to Mark. If you have lots, let him know and he’ll set you up with an editor account.

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