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Apr Feb Jan 2023: Dec Nov Oct Sep Aug Jul Jun Apr Mar Feb Jan ♦ 2022 ♦ ♦ 2021 ♦

Apr

no one knows me in Melbourne, so it doesn’t matter what I wear. Everyone knows me in Yarragon, so it doesn’t matter what I wear! exp
There’s no need to dress smartly ● 04 Apr >

Eugene One-Gin n
Евгений Онегин, the young dandy from St Petersberg featured in Pushkin’s novel & Tchaikovsky’s opera Eugene Onegin ● 02 Apr >

pitiless bottom n
One much given to pungent farts ● 02 Apr >

well that barrel didn’t need scraping exp
This work is eploitative, deceptive, manipulative, inept or otherwise objectionable… and to an even greater degree than previous similar works ● 02 Apr >

sarandoppity n
Serendipity ● 02 Apr >

enough blue to make a pair of sailor’s trousers exp
The sky might appear grey from horizon to horizon, but if you look carefully there are patches of blue ● 02 Apr >

blue and green should never be seen except on a donkey’s back exp
Style guidance ● 02 Apr >

bish n
A forgivable mistake ● 02 Apr >

Botticchrachi n
Botticelli, the noted Italian painter noted for his nudes ● 02 Apr >

Feb

ducklings n
Collective term for various waifs and strays in one’s life ● 12 Feb >

tronken adj
Drunk ● 12 Feb >

0000 n
Location where everything is alright. Specifically the sofa Joy sits on at home ● 12 Feb >

kelp adj
Happy to go with the flow ● 12 Feb >

head-canon n
Information about an intellectual property that is not explicitly in the text but is in one’s head to explain away an inconsistency/fill in a detail ● 12 Feb >

Stephen Physics n
1. Personification of physics 2. Any physical law that provides an obstacle in life ● 12 Feb >

_y-tiger adj
Completed with the relationship e.g. mummy/wifey/spousey to mean being naturally protective of someone with whom you have that relationship ● 12 Feb >

fimsy n
Gentle fun wordplay ● 12 Feb >

tasting diamonds v
The experience of breathing in very cold air ● 12 Feb >

tiny dragon n
The strange throat grumblings/squeakings/croakings made by an active digestive system ● 12 Feb >

Mangerton (going) n
Finally snapping and expressing one’s wordless anger - particularly if this is due to moving goalposts ● 12 Feb >

on pots hooray! exc
1. You have finally understood the thing I have been walking you to that I think is obvious. 2. We are looking at some ancient pottery including some form of decoration. 3. We are about to watch The Great Pottery Throwdown (more recent usage) ● 12 Feb >

put fur/hair round it! exc
You seem to be having problem getting this thing in the appropriate hole - perhaps if it was more akin to a more biological insertion you would have more success. ● 12 Feb >

tramampoline n
Trampoline ● 12 Feb >

Kahula n
The flavoured alcohol more commonly known as Kahlúa ● 12 Feb >

spoons n
The time and headspace required for a proposed undertaking ● 11 Feb >

Steve n
The UK restaurant chain Bella Italia (formerly Bella Pasta) ● 11 Feb >

shusho exp
Expression used when walking with tiny steps, as when traversing ice or other slippery surface ● 11 Feb >

Wert n
A bird sculpted in alabaster by Mum ● 11 Feb >

as innocent as a nun at a bus stop exp
To all appearances, throughly innocuous ● 11 Feb >

Pawdawfawdy n
The main bus terminal in New York ● 11 Feb >

aprishotts n
Apricots ● 11 Feb >

my colleague of the sandpit exp
A playmate whose name escaped young Benno ● 11 Feb >

Claypots n
Nickname of the Claydon family ● 11 Feb >

Piglet n
Affectionate name for Eve, the youngest member of the Claydon family ● 11 Feb >

Jan

let’s find out, shall we? exp
Response to “do you know what you’re doing?” ● 25 Jan >

he seems nice exp
He seems odious ● 25 Jan >

put the lumps in the gravy v
Make the gravy ● 25 Jan >

kumu n
Greens ● 21 Jan >

visitors! Not visitors AGAIN! verse
Refrain in a poem the 7-year-old Naomi wrote expressing the kids’ dislike of the use of their home as a University Visitors’ Centre by Pa ● 21 Jan >

oslo n
An instrumental solo during a song ● 21 Jan >

automagically adv
Automatically, and with impressive élan ● 21 Jan >

cock-a-leg n
Scottish traditional dancing ● 21 Jan >

let it cuik! exp
If you have an infected bite or splinter, or a boil or carbuncle, put a plaster on and let it take its course ● 21 Jan >

one goat! exp
OK, I made a mistake. But I feel you’re attaching too much importance to it ● 21 Jan >

bumcack n
Comeback ● 21 Jan >

horse droppings n
A hairstyle in which the hair is drawn up to sit on top of the head in multiple blobs ● 21 Jan >

sadlydie v
Die ● 21 Jan >

that’s your shauri! exp
That is your problem / issue ● 21 Jan >

Dr Thos n
A particular hot water bottle at Shelford ● 21 Jan >

mental floss n
A brain teaser or exercise undertaken to develop mental acuity ● 21 Jan >

Floss n
Clare’s pet name for her daughter Eve ● 21 Jan >

Miss Moppett n
Aunt D’s pet name for her neice Kate Collard (later Baines, later Tomato) ● 21 Jan >

the blind Doges of Venice exp
Response to any reference to Venice, blind, blinds or dogs ● 21 Jan >

kom bibi, bibi! exp
Swiss German summoning cry for chickens, to be yelled at a high pitch and volume when serving them household scraps ● 07 Jan >

sixpence! exp
Exclaimed at top volume by the first person at a meal to find a bone in their fish ● 07 Jan >

squabble & beak n
Edited¹: The Westerhoff version of bubble & squeak, comprising shallow-fried leftover potatoes and cabbage ● 07 Jan >

mardy adj
Sulky, whiny ● 07 Jan >

cigar-shaped aluminum tube in the sky n
Aeroplane ● 07 Jan >

I have had an elegant sufficiency exp
Used when turning down a second (or subsequent) helping at table ● 07 Jan >

leave it to cook exp
Said while waiting for digital data to download/transfer ● 07 Jan >

front loader n
Bra with a zip at the front ● 07 Jan >

pasteurised is best exp
Reflexive response to use of the word pasteurised ● 07 Jan >

plup in a cup v
Provide a semen sample ● 07 Jan >

land of hopeless Tories verse
Line to be sung to the tune of Elgar’s jingoistic roundelay Land of hope and glory ● 07 Jan >

full-fat electricity n
Electricity from an EV rapid charger ● 07 Jan >

Copper Pisspot, The n
The Golden Cross hotel & restaurant in a courtyard off Cornmarket, Oxford ● 07 Jan >

bingbongabangbang exp
I predict the credits will roll, or an ad break will start, in the next few seconds (when watching TV) ● 07 Jan >

back dazzler n
A vehicle’s high-intensity rear foglight, especially when used at night in the wet ● 07 Jan >

scraper n
Violin ● 07 Jan >

I saw Esau sitting an a seesaw verse
It was just one of those things grown-ups would come out with from time to time ● 07 Jan >

festive gooch n
The period between Christmas & New Year when almost the whole of UK is on holiday ● 06 Jan >

Dec ’23

mollydooker n
A left-handed person, a southpaw ● 03 Dec ’23 >

barsteward n
Bastard (in its pejorative rather than descriptive sense) ● 03 Dec ’23 >

Liztrak n
The Elizabeth Line, the west ⇌ east cross-London rail service ● 03 Dec ’23 >

Nov ’23

it’s just an if-statement exp
Satirical take on people who expect software to perform miracles without having the first idea of what’s involved ● 30 Nov ’23 >

I could have cooked at home exp
Rebuke for anyone who chooses the same dish as someone else at the table when eating out ● 30 Nov ’23 >

Grauniad n
The UK-based newspaper The Guardian ● 30 Nov ’23 >

Vladdy the Baddy n
Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, sometime thug and latterly president of Russia… and thug ● 25 Nov ’23 >

turn the knob on your side exp
Consciously unhelpful advice to someone struggling to get a door open. The ritual reply is “I haven’t got a knob on my side” ● 25 Nov ’23 >

with two plombs adj
With consummate poise and assurance ● 25 Nov ’23 >

big organs run in the family exp
Gleefully puerile response to use of the word organ ● 25 Nov ’23 >

doobry n
Thingummy. Doohickey. Item that need not be named because it is identified by the context. Can also be used when the speaker can’t recall the name of an item ● 25 Nov ’23 >

Lontink n
London ● 25 Nov ’23 >

sweat cobs v
Sweat profusely ● 23 Nov ’23 >

include me out exp
I do not wish to participate in this activity, thank you ● 23 Nov ’23 >

down the red lane! exp
Eat your food, child! ● 23 Nov ’23 >

showing all you possess adj
Wearing immodest clothing ● 23 Nov ’23 >

cheerum chorum chaw chocalorum verse
Callback to: Cheerum chorum chaw chocalorum Pinga Ninga nee-nay Pinga ninga nay Very werry goshy washy tie tie tingo Very werry goshy washy Goshy washy tingo …or something along those lines ● 23 Nov ’23 >

Poppa Piccolino n
Granny’s pet name for Pop ● 23 Nov ’23 >

palanquin hee, palanquin ho exp
Bonding cry – no meaning ● 12 Nov ’23 >

the good ship Slap-it-with-a-ruler exp
Meaning obscure, but it tended to be wheeled out when ships were spoken of ● 12 Nov ’23 >

boîte sur toit n
A roofbox, one of those enclosed roofracks for cars ● 12 Nov ’23 >

kettle n
Steam locomotive ● 12 Nov ’23 >

PEBUCK exp
The user – generally of a computer – is being a bit thick ● 12 Nov ’23 >

shitzu n
A zoo without penguins ● 12 Nov ’23 >

seagull n
One whose style of management or participation is irregular and unhelpful ● 12 Nov ’23 >

Oct ’23

left hand down a bit exp
A navigation direction given when unsure, or to suggest that the navigator is unsure ● 29 Oct ’23 >

chill on the kidneys n
A gloriously specific non-specific ailment you are sure to contract should you go outside between October and April [UK] with your shirt untucked from your waistband ● 29 Oct ’23 >

popular beat combo n
A group or band that has enjoyed some success in the singles charts ● 29 Oct ’23 >

changed his 40 for two 20s and found he wasn’t wired for it exp
Catty comment about a man who proves over-ambitious in his philandering ● 29 Oct ’23 >

swing-door face n
One who enjoys eating out ● 22 Oct ’23 >

pron exp
Can be used both for “Please would you turn on the printer” and for “I have now turned on the printer, my love” ● 22 Oct ’23 >

north-south-west n
New South Wales ● 22 Oct ’23 >

horse apples n
Horse shit ● 22 Oct ’23 >

A-flute v
To campaign with the use of an A-frame adorned with corflutes proclaiming the campaginer’s message ● 22 Oct ’23 >

kwinoa n
Phonetic pronunciation of Quinoa ● 22 Oct ’23 >

floordrobe n
The floor of a bedroom when scattered with clothing ● 22 Oct ’23 >

manchester n
Household linen ● 22 Oct ’23 >

Sep ’23

Nacirema n
The subject of a satirical article Pa once read in which an anthropologist reports upon the weird rituals of a tribe, before eventually revealing that they are none other than Americans ● 17 Sep ’23 >

stunned mullet n
One ill-suited to an employment, and apparently unaware of it ● 17 Sep ’23 >

charming ladies n
Naked women ● 15 Sep ’23 >

if you enjoyed it half as much... exp
Callback to the saying “If you enjoyed it half as much as we did, then we enjoyed it twice as much as you” ● 13 Sep ’23 >

imaginary friend n
A god ● 13 Sep ’23 >

subtropical swimming paradise n
Swimming pool with doodads ● 11 Sep ’23 >

is it not passing fair to be a King and ride in triumph through Persepolis? exp
I am pleased ● 11 Sep ’23 >

on the wonk adj
Askew ● 10 Sep ’23 >

by gum I’m stuck. What am I? exp
[Riddle] ● 10 Sep ’23 >

FOFO n
A basis for the valuation of stocks (inventory) hard-found by young auditors ● 10 Sep ’23 >

donkey manure exp
An utterance of deniable disrespect for Afrikaaners ● 06 Sep ’23 >

I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki exp
I could make no sense of what you just said ● 06 Sep ’23 >

let’s put the roof on first… exp
That task is being undertaken in an inauspicious sequence ● 05 Sep ’23 >

avian fornication n
Thing of no regard ● 03 Sep ’23 >

hey, Mr Squirrel, pull your pants up! exp
Callback to a joke that clearly tickled Pa but was never given in full ● 03 Sep ’23 >

Burly Chassis n
The Welsh singer Shirley Bassey ● 03 Sep ’23 >

there are gazelles in the thicket exp
Your beard contains unwanted matter ● 03 Sep ’23 >

Aug ’23

tinkywinky adj
Cosy (of drama) ● 27 Aug ’23 >

PLAN AHE exp
Plan ahead ● 26 Aug ’23 >

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons verse
Can be quoted to mean: 1) I have been engaged in trivia 2) I have drunk a lot of coffee ● 26 Aug ’23 >

prunt v
Printed ● 21 Aug ’23 >

hot bottyflosher n
Cleansing lavatory of the kind often associated with Japan. Apt to be sold elsewhere as a Smart toilet ● 21 Aug ’23 >

aleebee n
Alibi ● 21 Aug ’23 >

gobble v
Ogle. Observe lecherously ● 21 Aug ’23 >

that’s pissed on me chips! exp
Crikey, that occurrence has confounded my endeavours! ● 21 Aug ’23 >

a pint of water’s a pound and a quarter, except in US where it’s less exp
Counter-mnemonic to Americans’ wholly misleading “A pint’s a pound the whole world around” ● 21 Aug ’23 >

le très chose n
Just the thing I was seeking ● 18 Aug ’23 >

in all my born days adv
Ever ● 18 Aug ’23 >

in days gone by adv
In the past ● 18 Aug ’23 >

nim n
Niece or nephew ● 18 Aug ’23 >

Harwich for the Continent, {Frinton} for the incontinent exp
Old folk joke from the time when “Harwich for the Continent” would be generally recognised ● 18 Aug ’23 >

B-fart n
Beef heart, an allegedly scrumptious type of offal ● 18 Aug ’23 >

Ma son’s a prawn n
The traditional fiddle tune Mason’s apron ● 18 Aug ’23 >

Jul ’23

redbrick n
A consequence of eating beetroot ● 30 Jul ’23 >

everybody’s got to be somewhere exp
Response to “What are you doing here?” ● 30 Jul ’23 >

zembil n
Large basket, tub, trug or storage bucket ● 30 Jul ’23 >

stiffie n
A 3½ inch diskette, an obsolete removable storage medium for computers capable of storing 1·44 MB of data, or about a quarter of a typical 2023 digital photo ● 30 Jul ’23 >

william-nilliam adv
Willy-nilly, which is to say haphazardly ● 30 Jul ’23 >

Pope scuttle n
Passetto di Borgo, the 800 metre concealed passageway that connects the Vatican to Castel Sant’Angelo for purposes of running away ● 30 Jul ’23 >

lubricants n
Pedestrians who unwittingly help motorists exit a side road by using a crossing on the main road ● 30 Jul ’23 >

Jun ’23

Grey Funnel Line n
The navy ● 26 Jun ’23 >

bee-loud glade verse
Invoked when walking amongst busy insects in a rural setting ● 26 Jun ’23 >

gawn awf and gawt lawst exp
Gone astray ● 26 Jun ’23 >

Japanese jibble-jobs n
The sweet, savoury & crunchy party snack otherwise known (in UK at least) as Oriental Mix ● 20 Jun ’23 >

the crow makes wing to th’ rooky wood verse
Light thickens, and the crow makes wing to th’ rooky wood. Good things of day begin to droop and drowse; While night’s black agents to their preys do rouse. —Shakespeare’s Macbeth, Act III scene 2 ● 20 Jun ’23 >

Forderism n
A strangled conceit of the kind much employed by Rev H Forder to leaven his sermons ● 20 Jun ’23 >

amontiddly-doh n
Amontillado, a variety of sherry ● 20 Jun ’23 >

catch a falling poo verse
Catch a falling poo and put it in a packet, Try not to make a mess. Catch a falling poo and put it in a packet, Send it to the NHS. —to the tune of Catch a falling star ● 20 Jun ’23 >

Apr ’23

Lord Jesus hangs on a peg. Which peg does he hang on? exp
Deeply philosophical question posed by Felix aged about 6 when hanging a pine cone on the Christmas tree ● 24 Apr ’23 >

autocucumber n
The autocorrect function common on smartphones ● 24 Apr ’23 >

optometrist method n
A/B testing, in which users of a system, product or idea under development are asked “is it better like this… or like this?” ● 24 Apr ’23 >

amtriguous adj
A phrase or utterance capable of three different interpretations ● 24 Apr ’23 >

toed in the hole v
Kicked up the bum ● 24 Apr ’23 >

if you can’t help don’t hinder exp
Rebuke for an offspring whose attempts to be helpful prove unsuccessful ● 24 Apr ’23 >

kiwi n
Kilowatt-hour (kWh) ● 24 Apr ’23 >

Mar ’23

you’ve all done very well exp
You’ve all done very well ● 19 Mar ’23 >

cleveh adj
Clever in a rather smug sort of way ● 15 Mar ’23 >

fizzy knitting n
Overhead powerlines, particularly those for trolleybuses & trams ● 13 Mar ’23 >

Smoky Tree, the n
The vast ancient yew tree & friend in the middle of the meadow at Sheepleas that Iliffs would climb and sit in, or use as a pavilion, when youngsters ● 10 Mar ’23 >

Feb ’23

SA0 n
One lacking in situational awareness ● 28 Feb ’23 >

pither v
Waste time; engage in displacement activities; avoid a task ● 28 Feb ’23 >

Draconia n
Fabled land of uncompromising law and order ● 28 Feb ’23 >

I thought we were having a PSA exp
Polite¹ way of saying “No, we’re not going out and stop making that racket”. PSA = peaceful Sunday afternoon ● 28 Feb ’23 >

doit v
Lose mental acuity (in the demotic: go ga-ga) ● 27 Feb ’23 >

pimps adj
Easy ● 27 Feb ’23 >

noddles n
Noodles ● 27 Feb ’23 >

sherman n
Act of self-pleasure ● 27 Feb ’23 >

canned elephant’s prick n
Tinned meat (eg Spam) ● 27 Feb ’23 >

spearmint wino n
Problem drinker who erroneously believes that sucking a mint will hide the alcohol on their breath ● 27 Feb ’23 >

if you can’t trivialise it it’s not worth saying exp
Don’t treat TV reportage as accurate ● 27 Feb ’23 >

add more lightness exp
Cut out anything superfluous ● 27 Feb ’23 >

optical illusion, man! exp
It is an optical illusion ● 27 Feb ’23 >

whearr be ye to? exp
Where are you? ● 27 Feb ’23 >

like the fat lady – all behind exp
In arrears or running late ● 27 Feb ’23 >

ordinary Australian tea n
India tea ● 27 Feb ’23 >

Jan ’23

fluff v
To break wind ● 24 Jan ’23 >

what about a water bottle Wattle? exp
The sound of a fart while bathing ● 24 Jan ’23 >

King Midas has ass’s ears exp
The sound of rustling grasses ● 24 Jan ’23 >

the Marmalade Bush n
The Cinnamon Tree, an Indian restaurant in Mortimer near Reading that was a favourite with the Arthurs ● 24 Jan ’23 >

wall botherer n
Hammer drill ● 24 Jan ’23 >

underneath-th-th n
A woman’s ladyparts ● 24 Jan ’23 >

Brandywine Thistlebottom n
The actor Benedict Cumberbatch ● 24 Jan ’23 >

beep conveyor n
One of those vehicles used in airports and hospitals for conveying loud, unsettling beeps around the place ● 24 Jan ’23 >

Ikea name n
A person’s first name modified in a particular way ● 24 Jan ’23 >

aber eine wurst hatte zwei ende exp
But a sausage has two ends ● 20 Jan ’23 >

chilly bin n
Portable icebox ● 20 Jan ’23 >

may your wheels turn square and your petrol turn to water! exc
A curse directed at disobliging drivers ● 20 Jan ’23 >

knicker picker n
Picnic ● 20 Jan ’23 >

sham-PAG-nee n
Champagne ● 20 Jan ’23 >

un joo lating adj
Undulating, usually in reference to rolling hills ● 20 Jan ’23 >

Li Phook n
The East Asian village in Hampshire otherwise known as Liphook ● 01 Jan ’23 >

2022

pushen n
Cushion ● 29 Dec ’22 >

trough v
Eat ● 29 Dec ’22 >

Riding to Llandudno on a charabanc… verse
Callback to: Riding to Llandudno on a charabanc Fifty miles an hour and we don’t care a hang The engine’s full of petrol and the driver’s full of beer. (If there was a next line we never heard it) ● 29 Dec ’22 >

Father Twiss-Twiss n
Saint Nicholas / Santa Claus / Père Noël / Father Christmas ● 29 Dec ’22 >

flaptop n
Laptop computer ● 29 Dec ’22 >

All’ Barone n
The pub chain All Bar One ● 29 Dec ’22 >

if I could walk that way I wouldn’t need the talcum powder exp
Response to “walk this way” ● 29 Dec ’22 >

I lift up my finger and I say tweet tweet verse
Callback to: I lift up my finger and I say tweet tweet, shush shush, come come, now now. I don’t think we ever worked out what prompted a recital… ● 29 Dec ’22 >

deg v
Water ● 29 Dec ’22 >

fissle v
Surreptitously investigate presents before breakfast on Christmas morning ● 29 Dec ’22 >

the value of your investment can fall as well as plummet exp
Mantra of the risk-averse ● 29 Dec ’22 >

the telephone upon the wall verse
Callback to: The telephone upon the wall Is useful when you want to call Just push the buttons on the front And hold the mouthpiece to your face ● 30 Nov ’22 >

queece n
Breast meat (aka white meat) of a roast fowl ● 16 Nov ’22 >

soft day n
A day that’s raining stair-rods (cats & dogs, the devil & pitchforks, bullfrogs or your own regional expression to taste) ● 15 Nov ’22 >

eh bien, merde alors exp
Never mind, let’s move on ● 15 Nov ’22 >

premium bomb n
Premium Bond, a savings product of UK’s NS&I ● 15 Nov ’22 >

bumbalo bag n
Bumbag (US: fannypack) ● 15 Nov ’22 >

renana n
Banana ● 15 Nov ’22 >

open the breach and fire the gun exp
Callback to the couplet: Wakey wakey! Morning’s come Open the breach and fire the gun ● 15 Nov ’22 >

T-rain n
Train ● 15 Nov ’22 >

smoko n
Morning tea, especially when taken in a shearing shed ● 15 Nov ’22 >

boinga n
Kangaroo, especially when in motion ● 15 Nov ’22 >

ashpan n
Panache ● 07 Nov ’22 >

boil the billy v
Make tea ● 07 Nov ’22 >

earbash n
A verbal harangue ● 07 Nov ’22 >

which wind begins with F? exp
Callback to a question asked while trying to figure out how to play mah jong ● 07 Nov ’22 >

spanish Tourette’s n
The practice of unexpectedly swatting between the hands insects in flight that are too small for observers to see ● 07 Nov ’22 >

whin n
Gooseberry ● 07 Nov ’22 >

dial, face, mug, pan or mat n
Face ● 07 Nov ’22 >

as thick as an elephant bap adj
Not conspicuously astute ● 07 Nov ’22 >

vogon adj
Vegan ● 07 Nov ’22 >

babu peechi lal n
Self-important person ● 08 Oct ’22 >

spider n
The green bit of stalk on a tomato ● 08 Oct ’22 >

well and truly sought after adj
Under pressure ● 08 Oct ’22 >

it’s not rocket surgery exp
It’s not difficult ● 08 Oct ’22 >

Action Town n
Acton Town ● 08 Oct ’22 >

pas de freinage violent inutile exp
Drive carefully ● 08 Oct ’22 >

organ donor n
Cyclist ● 08 Oct ’22 >

noy adv
1. Now 2. No ● 28 Sep ’22 >

worms’ boggin’ holes n
Worm casts on a lawn ● 28 Sep ’22 >

square measles n
A QR code, one of those 2-D barcode things like… like… well, like square measles ● 28 Sep ’22 >

thermosk n
Vacuum flask ● 28 Sep ’22 >

whipper snipper n
String trimmer, the powered tool for trimming grass and brush. ● 28 Sep ’22 >

wo der Kaiser zu fuss geht n
The seat of ease, lavatory, boggo or whatever you choose to call it ● 28 Sep ’22 >

QB n
That feeling of numbness that can result from sitting still for an hour ● 28 Sep ’22 >

like a goanna up a gum tree adj
Disappearing fast ● 27 Sep ’22 >

Odgers n
The TV presenter Mister Rogers, whose show was a favourite of Joy’s when she was about 2-3 ● 31 Aug ’22 >

the nut holding the steering wheel n
The driver of a road vehicle ● 31 Aug ’22 >

conkerbox n
A small, noisy car that rattles and shakes ● 31 Aug ’22 >

Gnomey Alewife n
WordPerfect 4.2’s spellcheck suggestion for Naomi Iliff ● 31 Aug ’22 >

the pit is in exp
The fruit still contains its pip or stone ● 31 Aug ’22 >

Mount Toberead n
The pile/stack/tower/mountain of books that a person wishes to read ● 31 Aug ’22 >

Whydofools n
The amber ale Doom Bar ● 31 Aug ’22 >

pif-pof-paf n
A ruleless, winnerless game that can be seen on beaches throughout Europe. It involves 3 or more people hitting a ball between them with wooden bats ● 31 Aug ’22 >

we won’t have to go to Wales now I brung yer ’ere exp
Now we have seen this poor model, imitation or ersatz version, we won’t have to visit the real thing ● 20 Jul ’22 >

tall, dark and handsome… and slightly out of focus adj
The putative ideal qualities of an attractive woman’s male consort ● 20 Jul ’22 >

hoist on his/her/your own door-bomb exp
Hoist on his/her/your own petard ● 20 Jul ’22 >

Belgian pish n
The beerish substance sold under the name Stella Artois ● 19 Jul ’22 >

like Lot’s wife adj
Emerging profusely (of salt) ● 17 Jul ’22 >

thoughcus n
A thought ● 17 Jul ’22 >

elephants and teaspoons exp
Callback to the motivational phrase “How do you eat an elephant with a teaspoon? One spoon at a time” ● 17 Jul ’22 >

Tinkwinky Teapot n
The TV adaptation of The Aurora Teagarden Mysteries ● 17 Jul ’22 >

Douglas Badger n
The WW2 fighter ace and hero Douglas Bader ● 17 Jul ’22 >

elsan position n
An inelegant skiing posture remininscent of squatting upon a lavatory ● 17 Jul ’22 >

burgalarm n
Burgler alarm ● 17 Jul ’22 >

if you have been, thank you for listening exp
Customary end-of-gig sign-off of Simon Nicol, guitarist and founding member of the band Fairport Convention ● 12 Jul ’22 >

two-six exp
Cue for concerted action; same meaning as the more customary one-two-three ● 12 Jul ’22 >

fast thinking walk n
A solo walk ● 12 Jul ’22 >

cock a deaf ’un v
Cock a deaf ear; ignore the thing a person has said ● 12 Jul ’22 >

appalAchian contrOllay adj
Of French wines, appellation d’origine contrôlée… basically, not plonk ● 12 Jul ’22 >

rattle your dags! exc
Get a move on! ● 12 Jul ’22 >

crack the sads v
To become upset or unhappy, or throw a tantrum ● 12 Jul ’22 >

furphy n
A tall tale; an erroneous or improbable story that is claimed to be factual ● 12 Jul ’22 >

take the smooth with the rough v
After physical or mental exertion, relax without guilt ● 10 Jul ’22 >

floor sweepings n
The type of bread so full of roughage that it barely hangs together, and is often understatedly sold as “multigrain” ● 10 Jul ’22 >

no, it was a new one exp
Response to “was it an omen?” ● 10 Jul ’22 >

Grindelchomps n
The historian, TV presenter and daughter of Reading Lucy Worsley ● 10 Jul ’22 >

yuckerypoogens! exc
Indicates that a thing is more than ordinarily messy or disgusting ● 10 Jul ’22 >

in heated agreement adj
When people are arguing vehemently for their own point of view without realising that they coincide ● 10 Jul ’22 >

flock of sparrows n
A particularly satisfying and comprehensive defecation ● 10 Jul ’22 >

jolly hockey sticks adj
Of school-age girls: Enthusiastic participant in sports, and in upholding unquestioningly the school’s stated values – not necessarily used admiringly ● 10 Jul ’22 >

soft poop n
Soft scoop ice cream, noted more for its malleability than its delectability ● 10 Jul ’22 >

what a day dad had! exc
Father has suffered some setbacks today ● 10 Jul ’22 >

oh Lucky Jim! exc
Well that’s not good ● 05 Jul ’22 >

are we gentry or do we stack? exp
In practice it seemed to mean “I’m clearing the table now” between the courses of a meal, though none of us made much sense of it at the time ● 05 Jul ’22 >

bidet n
Rear wash-wipe mechanism (of a vehicle) ● 05 Jul ’22 >

sorry-pardon exc
I trust you will forgive my trivial error ● 03 Jul ’22 >

Horrids n
The retail emporium Harrods ● 03 Jul ’22 >

percussive maintenance n
Trying to fix a thing by hitting it ● 01 Jul ’22 >

run around to get wet adj
Having a low rate of flow (of a bathroom shower) ● 01 Jul ’22 >

windowscreen n
A vehicle’s windscreen ● 01 Jul ’22 >

cowp v
Capsize ● 01 Jul ’22 >

vollyvongs n
The small puff pastry cases known as vols-au-vent, used for appetisers and desserts ● 01 Jul ’22 >

betty swallocks n
Perspiration of the gentleman’s area ● 01 Jul ’22 >

put it away – nothing wrong with it exp
You are not unwell ● 01 Jul ’22 >

defillibrator n
Defibrillator ● 01 Jul ’22 >

vollay! exc
I am about to hit you ● 01 Jul ’22 >

I laughed until I stopped exp
I didn’t laugh ● 01 Jul ’22 >

tisbic n
Biscuit ● 01 Jul ’22 >

the gap towns n
Dorking, Woking, Reigate, Redhill, Guildford… ● 01 Jul ’22 >

I did not know that death had undone so many exp
Blimey, what a lot of people! Generally used when caught up in a pressing crowd, or observing a teeming throng ● 01 Jul ’22 >

one-legged Santa at an arse kicking party n
A now-retired Christmas decoration in Reading town centre ● 30 Jun ’22 >

panty n
Pantograph (in the context of current collection) ● 30 Jun ’22 >

park by ear v
Park a vehicle with a lack of care, attention and skill ● 30 Jun ’22 >

SLAB DISH PIG GUFF exp
Mnemonic for recalling the then-15 members of the EU ● 30 Jun ’22 >

if I wasn’t a gunner I wouldn’t be here exp
Timing phrase used by the gunner during a gun salute to ensure the bangs are evenly spaced ● 30 Jun ’22 >

Tony Tortoise n
Actor & TV presenter Tony Robinson ● 30 Jun ’22 >

Mulligan’s Tyres n
Mull of Kintyre ● 30 Jun ’22 >

mozarella adj
Tight over the belly, typically of a man’s white shirt ● 30 Jun ’22 >

Krapy Rubsnif n
Finsbury Park, a district of London ● 30 Jun ’22 >

hand in one’s badge and gun v
Resign ● 30 Jun ’22 >

goggrybaggies adj
Mouldy, off, rotten (of food) ● 30 Jun ’22 >

fin de saison adj
Unwelcoming, with many facilities closed ● 13 May ’22 >

shith-ooze n
Seat of ease, convenience, lavatory ● 13 May ’22 >

ours adj
Our ● 13 May ’22 >

mingo n
Flamingo ● 13 May ’22 >

tisswiss for Mummy exp
Cue phrase for emptying a sleepy child during the night ● 13 May ’22 >

bastardsphere n
The inglorious company of spammers, hackers & phishers ● 13 May ’22 >

Useless n
James Joyce’s Ulysses ● 13 May ’22 >

flaming brandinis n
Game that involves pouring flaming brandy over a bowl of raisins and eating them while they’re still burning ● 04 May ’22 >

the artist is making a joke exp
Its creator intended this to be funny or clever ● 18 Apr ’22 >

when you get to the final, you win exp
When you make it to the final of a competition, you expect to win ● 18 Apr ’22 >

up your end exp
Phrase used when passing vegetable dishes around a dining table ● 18 Apr ’22 >

prat flaps n
A particular type of men’s open leather sandal, especially if large, droopy and worn with socks ● 18 Apr ’22 >

par cark n
Car park ● 18 Apr ’22 >

bloody great balloons exp
Callback to the desperate cry of a vendor of oversized balloons outside Madame Tussauds on a chilly spring day: “Balloons! Balloons! Bloody great balloons!” ● 18 Apr ’22 >

misery bite n
Comfort food when unwell ● 18 Apr ’22 >

go commando v
Perform a piece of music without referring to the score ● 18 Apr ’22 >

buttons on a wall exp
Response to “so what?” ● 18 Apr ’22 >

Moses n
The most elastic man in the christian bible ● 18 Apr ’22 >

Bildad the Shuhite n
The shortest man in the christian bible ● 18 Apr ’22 >

go swimming with the children v
Defecate ● 18 Apr ’22 >

richtigetonneohnenach­barnprüfenstolz n
The pride felt at putting out the right bin without first checking what the neighbours have done ● 14 Apr ’22 >

the customer is always the customer exp
The supplier’s job is to satisfy the wants of the customer, however unhinged they might appear ● 12 Apr ’22 >

wankpanzer n
Large agricultural vehicle when chosen for use in an urban environment ● 12 Apr ’22 >

winnebago n
A Milwaukee brand tape measure ● 30 Mar ’22 >

beef cut n
Crew cut ● 30 Mar ’22 >

who’s died? exp
Your flies are undone ● 30 Mar ’22 >

white horse n
A perfect guest ● 21 Mar ’22 >

East Ham adj
Mad ● 21 Mar ’22 >

and hadn’t we the gaeity at Phil the fluter’s ball verse
A line that Dad would sing at the most unexpected of times ● 19 Mar ’22 >

kiss me WHAT‽ exp
G’s reaction on being told we were off to the West End to see the musical Kiss Me Kate ● 19 Mar ’22 >

jagular n
Jaguar – can apply both to panthera onca and to the car brand ● 19 Mar ’22 >

and the band played Believe it if you like exp
I don’t believe it ● 19 Mar ’22 >

in the nothings adj
Naked ● 19 Mar ’22 >

while you’re on your feet… exp
By standing up you have made yourself liable for any tasks that I want doing (such as bringing us all a cup of tea) ● 19 Mar ’22 >

I’m taking it back exp
Granny’s almost invariable declaration on arriving home with a purchase ● 19 Mar ’22 >

long may your big jib draw exp
Wishing you a happy and successful life ● 19 Mar ’22 >

B I tish n
A woman considered to be mean, overbearing or contemptible ● 19 Mar ’22 >

p-o-tat-oes verse
Callback to a song: p-o-tat-oes O OOOO O OO ● 19 Mar ’22 >

sparrow piss n
A rain shower so nugatory that it doesn’t even wet the grass ● 18 Mar ’22 >

pince mie n
Mince pie, the Christmas comestible ● 18 Mar ’22 >

unmatched pointer n
A loose end; an unresolved issue ● 18 Mar ’22 >

operator n
One practised at getting her/his/their own way ● 18 Mar ’22 >

cunkspangle n
Person of small wit and smaller manners ● 18 Mar ’22 >

light a candle to Saint Anthony exp
A thing to do when searching for a lost item ● 18 Mar ’22 >

The Whizzer There Was n
The Wizard of Oz ● 18 Mar ’22 >

pictureskew adj
Picturesque ● 10 Mar ’22 >

when a man is tired of Bracknell… exp
Callback to: When a man is tired of Bracknell he has been there 20 mins ● 10 Mar ’22 >

dots n
A musical score ● 10 Mar ’22 >

hatches, matches and despatches n
The Births, Marriages & Deaths column of a newspaper, the avid perusal of which becomes the first priority of some when it thuds on the mat ● 10 Mar ’22 >

perslongings n
Possessions ● 10 Mar ’22 >

a chill wind in the Trossachs exp
The sensation of wearing a kilt¹ on a cold day ● 10 Mar ’22 >

kabiss n
Cabbage ● 09 Mar ’22 >

Ben Yehuda n
Pa’s nickname for Benno ● 09 Mar ’22 >

Suss-ar-ekal! exc
Pa’s take on his father’s take on a Sikh battle cry ● 09 Mar ’22 >

when I was a little girl like you… exp
Pa’s teasing approach to storytelling: Pa: When I was a little girl like you… Small ♀: You weren’t a little girl! Pa: Then, when I was a little boy like you… Small ♀: But I am not a little boy! ↻ repeat until one party cracks ● 09 Mar ’22 >

foul infidel! Know you have trod on the toe of Abul Abulbul Amir! verse
You have trodden on my foot ● 09 Mar ’22 >

Oyé n
Evelyn’s name for herself when she was known as Joyce (which was up to her late teens) ● 09 Mar ’22 >

big crisp n
Poppadom ● 09 Mar ’22 >

those aren’t bananas they’re plantains exp
A baffling and unfounded denigration of bananas ● 09 Mar ’22 >

takes the skin off your teeth exp
An effect of eating rhubarb ● 09 Mar ’22 >

a day late and a dollar short adj
Applies to work that is both late and substandard ● 09 Mar ’22 >

trivium n
An incidental fact of little importance ● 09 Mar ’22 >

Betelgwayzay n
Betelgeuse (aka α Orionis), red supergiant and 10ᵗʰ brightest star in the sky ● 09 Mar ’22 >

where we have been no-one shall find, For not a trace have we left behind verse
Reminder to all, when leaving a spot they had spent time in, to look back to check they have taken all their stuff with them. Callback to: Where we have been no one can find, Not a trace have we left behind. Only the people we’ve helped today Know that the Brownies have passed this way. ● 08 Mar ’22 >

’twill fit!! exc
Despite signs to the contrary, this jigsaw piece WILL fit! ● 08 Mar ’22 >

hey little horsey, don’t you stop verse
Call back to the song: Hey little horsey, don’t you stop, Just let your hooves go clicketty clop. Tail go swish, wheels go round Giddy up we’re homeward bound. ● 08 Mar ’22 >

that’s an acquired taste: you either like it or you don’t exp
I don’t like it ● 08 Mar ’22 >

ars bin n
Wing bean ● 08 Mar ’22 >

do a Thomas v
Race out to the loo in the middle of a meal to make room for more food ● 08 Mar ’22 >

arsnip n
Parnsip ● 08 Mar ’22 >

I expect nothing. I fear nothing. I am free. exp
(What it says) ● 08 Mar ’22 >

the full catastrophe exp
Everything; all of the thing we’re discussing ● 08 Mar ’22 >

the door’s not shut on my genius but… verse
I’ll eventually prove to be brilliant ● 08 Mar ’22 >

Sister / Brother exp
Useful device for addressing someone when you’ve forgotten their name ● 08 Mar ’22 >

Fabrézé n
The stench suppressant Fabreze ● 08 Mar ’22 >

we are the cockyolly birds all red and green and gold verse
Fragment of a song Evelyn suddenly burst into after it sat dormant and unsung in her memory for 40 years ● 07 Mar ’22 >

Miss/Master Flum Bum n
Handy moniker for anyone whose name you can’t, at that moment, remember ● 06 Mar ’22 >

squashed fly biscuits n
Garibaldi biscuits, the ones with currants squashed between two thin rectangles of biscuit ● 06 Mar ’22 >

don’t bandy legs with me exp
Don’t quibble ● 06 Mar ’22 >

Fairy Nuff exp
Fair enough ● 06 Mar ’22 >

tell it not in Gath exp
Between you and me… ● 06 Mar ’22 >

prickly pig n
Echidna, the spine-covered egg-laying mammal sometimes misleadingly known as spiny anteater ● 05 Mar ’22 >

rumble-tumble n
Anglo-Indian dish comprising scrambled eggs, onions and whatever stuff needs eating up ● 05 Mar ’22 >

the camels are coming hurrah, hurrah! verse
Pa’s jingle, delivered in an Anglo-Indian lilt, to go with jiggling a small child on his knee ● 05 Mar ’22 >

dangleway n
London’s Meridian Skyway cable car system (later known as Emirates Air Line¹) that crosses the Thames near the Millennium Dome (later known as O₂ Arena). By extension, any such cable car system ● 05 Mar ’22 >

nucking futter n
One whose behaviour defies reason ● 05 Mar ’22 >

Teetee de Boof n
Tête de Bœuf restaurant in Wootton Wawen, Warwickshire ● 05 Mar ’22 >

dudu maki n
Insect repellent ● 04 Mar ’22 >

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine verse
The song: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are grey You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you! Please don’t take my sunshine away! ● 04 Mar ’22 >

ambliance n
Ambulance ● 04 Mar ’22 >

our friend who travels on his belly n
Snake ● 04 Mar ’22 >

Joe Blake n
Snake ● 04 Mar ’22 >

snotty gobbles (or snot block) n
Vanilla slices ● 04 Mar ’22 >

two minutes’ silence for the joke that just died exp
That was a terrible joke that deserved to fall as flat as it did ● 04 Mar ’22 >

emPHAHsis on the wrong syllAHble exp
Emphasis on the wrong syllable ● 04 Mar ’22 >

hopt out v
Opt out ● 04 Mar ’22 >

too much admin exp
Mark’s objection to eating crab, artichoke, pomegranate, shrimp etc ● 04 Mar ’22 >

collapsize v
Capsize ● 04 Mar ’22 >

flappy meats n
Cooked meats, charcuterie, cold cuts ● 04 Mar ’22 >

Aunty Brute n
Naomi’s name for Aunt Dorothy ● 04 Mar ’22 >

I would as lief ’erd ‘ens exp
I don’t want to do it ● 04 Mar ’22 >

hold back my sleeve while I put my finger to my forehead exp
I am trying to bring a forgotten thing to mind ● 04 Mar ’22 >

aha, Rasputin, the mad monk, climbing up those Russian steppés! exc
Here is the rice pudding. All hail the rice pudding ● 04 Mar ’22 >

not much of anything, but well and truly elegant exp
A more sophisticated and less substantial repast than usually appeared on the King family table ● 04 Mar ’22 >

One I love, Two I love, Three I love, I say verse
Callback to: One I love Two I love Three I love, I say. Four I love with all my heart Five I cast away. Six he loves Seven she loves Eight they both love. Nine he comes, Ten he tarries, Eleven they court, Twelve they marry. Thirteen they quarrel Fourteen they part Fifteen one dies of a broken heart ● 04 Mar ’22 >

teaching wolves to chase sledges exp
Misguided negotiation technique of making a concession without requiring the other party to do the same ● 03 Mar ’22 >

madman in the attic exp
Negotiating technique along the lines of “I’d love to do that but the boss won’t let me” ● 03 Mar ’22 >

E-Type punt n
Camping punt ● 03 Mar ’22 >

Jo-Jo le Plongeur n
The children’s bath toy Diver Dan ● 03 Mar ’22 >

whackysticky n
Border morris dancing, the flavour of that noble art that involves the percussive use of staves ● 03 Mar ’22 >

EBI adj
Even better if… ● 03 Mar ’22 >

beefa leefa n
Beef olives ● 02 Mar ’22 >

shenzi adj
Below standard, no good ● 02 Mar ’22 >

haus sik n
Hospital ● 02 Mar ’22 >

RTFM exp
Read the manual (instead of bothering me) ● 02 Mar ’22 >

tadpoles n
A musical score ● 02 Mar ’22 >

gorillas n
The key of G major ● 02 Mar ’22 >

donkeys n
The key of D major ● 02 Mar ’22 >

susu bilong bulmacow n
Cows’ milk ● 01 Mar ’22 >

susu n
Breast; breast milk. ● 01 Mar ’22 >

Mr Bump exp
An iterative navigation technique that eschews maps, plans and electronic devices and instead proceeds in the hope that each failed attempt will at least bring the traveller a little nearer to the destination. Characterised by scenic routes & late arrivals ● 01 Mar ’22 >

didn’t want it ANYway! exp
Said when irreversibly deprived of something, particularly if through one’s own actions ● 01 Mar ’22 >

cuddly tick bird n
Hand-crafted birthday present for Naomi comprising a long white-bodied, yellow beaked, soft and cuddle-able tick bird, with appallingly prickly feet fashioned out of wire covered in sticky black insulating tape ● 01 Mar ’22 >

on the way to Meeting, I saw a butterfly and it reminded me of God exp
Ministry at a Quaker Meeting at Sidcot School, executed for a bet ● 01 Mar ’22 >

stuck in me clack exp
Stuck in my throat ● 01 Mar ’22 >

dance of the bogbrush fairies n
Dance of the sugar plum fairies from Tchaikovsky’s 1892 ballet The Nutcracker ● 01 Mar ’22 >

he’s got that round his neck exp
He has deeply misunderstood and/or perpetrated a severe tangle ● 01 Mar ’22 >

parroty error exp
When your parrot says “pieces of seven” ● 01 Mar ’22 >

ecilop n
Police ● 01 Mar ’22 >

we’ve squeezed the goodness out of that exp
All the interesting or entertaining aspects of this topic have now been exhausted ● 01 Mar ’22 >

longwe liklik exp
I have no idea how far away ● 28 Feb ’22 >

samting, nating exp
Not worth worrying about (or remembering or noticing) ● 28 Feb ’22 >

honey money n
Proceeds of selling honey ● 28 Feb ’22 >

flea rake n
Hair comb ● 28 Feb ’22 >

poo tickets n
Toilet roll, lavatory paper, bogroll, torchecul, bum fodder… call it what you will ● 28 Feb ’22 >

You are very ugly today, Pa / Ma Ubu! exp
A gently loving greeting to one’s spouse in the morning ● 28 Feb ’22 >

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by exp
I hate deadlines ● 28 Feb ’22 >

surface filing n
A system of filing that involves leaving everything on the desktop, ie no system at all ● 28 Feb ’22 >

piece of chelief n
Chief of police ● 28 Feb ’22 >

if he fell into basin full of boobs he’d come out sucking his thumb exp
He is serially unlucky ● 28 Feb ’22 >

shrapnel n
Small change, especially foreign coins that would be worthless on returning home ● 28 Feb ’22 >

spose n
Spouse ● 28 Feb ’22 >

crop dusting v
Letting a fart whilst in motion, particularly indoors ● 27 Feb ’22 >

peepy-eyed adj
Frowzy, especially if eyes swollen from lack of (or too much) sleep ● 27 Feb ’22 >

dunny diver n
Plumber ● 27 Feb ’22 >

dry as a Nullarbor rabbit adj
Thirsty ● 27 Feb ’22 >

flat out, like a lizard drinking adj
Flat out ● 27 Feb ’22 >

glass cherries n
Glacé cherries ● 27 Feb ’22 >

bum in the air adj
Hard at work ● 27 Feb ’22 >

katsik n
A dish Clare invented consisting largely of baked tomato with feta cubes ● 27 Feb ’22 >

bumnuts n
Eggs ● 27 Feb ’22 >

fly squatter n
Fly swatter ● 27 Feb ’22 >

the job’s a good ’un exp
We have achieved our objective ● 12 Feb ’22 >

leaf blower n
A well-to-do man who is dissolute or promiscuous ● 12 Feb ’22 >

if UCP on tripe don’t eat it exp
If you see pee on tripe don’t eat it ● 12 Feb ’22 >

da hoover’s broke exp
I’ve broken something and it’s your fault ● 12 Feb ’22 >

Bob’s your parent’s sibling exp
It’s as easy as that ● 11 Feb ’22 >

jock v
Miss, skip, cut or otherwise fail to attend ● 11 Feb ’22 >

mloddy adj
Mouldy ● 11 Feb ’22 >

nanny nagface n
One prone to give far more criticism or other feedback than the situation warrants ● 11 Feb ’22 >

god rest you jerry mentlemen verse
Mischievous variation on God rest you merry, gentlemen from the carol of the same name ● 11 Feb ’22 >

most highly flavoured gravy verse
Mischievous variation on Most highly favoured lady, a line from the carol The Angel Gabriel ● 11 Feb ’22 >

that’s small onions exp
That is the end. We have done all that we are here to do ● 11 Feb ’22 >

I can walk from here exp
You have parked rather far from the kerb ● 11 Feb ’22 >

trowers n
Trousers ● 11 Feb ’22 >

they’ll never sell ice creams at that speed exp
An emergency vehicle is passing with its siren going ● 11 Feb ’22 >

contribute! exc
Your participation in the conversation must increase ● 10 Feb ’22 >

give every flying moment something to remember it by exp
Response to “I’m bored” ● 10 Feb ’22 >

sloppies n
Loose-fitting clothing worn inside the home. Daylight PJs ● 10 Feb ’22 >

the chop n
A vasectomy ● 10 Feb ’22 >

oddfather / oddmother n
A role akin to godfather / godmother suitable for an atheist ● 07 Feb ’22 >

now the weather turns quite dirty and the clock it strikes five-thirty exp
The weather is taking a turn for the worse ● 07 Feb ’22 >

pick a note or go home exc
I am pained by your excessive use of vibrato and/or coloratura ● 07 Feb ’22 >

clickage n
Groceries purchased via a click-and-collect arrangement ● 07 Feb ’22 >

ladies of negotiable affection n
Female sex workers ● 07 Feb ’22 >

Maggie Murphy’s please park prettily exp
You can park better than that ● 07 Feb ’22 >

effluent n
Elephant ● 05 Feb ’22 >

maflingo n
Flamingo ● 05 Feb ’22 >

undercrackers n
Underpants ● 05 Feb ’22 >

crunchy plate n
Poppadom ● 05 Feb ’22 >

plug v
Conceal item in the rectum ● 05 Feb ’22 >

warning-warning exp
Everything is fine ● 05 Feb ’22 >

sound as a pound adj
Highly reliable. Also: In very good health ● 05 Feb ’22 >

hollow legs adj
One capable of eating large amounts of food while remaining slender ● 05 Feb ’22 >

downside up adj
Upside down ● 05 Feb ’22 >

delusions of adequacy n
The mindset of someone attempting to outperform their competence ● 05 Feb ’22 >

I see said the blind man as he walked into a lampost exp
Sceptical response to the assertion “I see” ● 05 Feb ’22 >

rent to the ideal exp
The cost of trust. The price paid for the comfort of trusting people ● 04 Feb ’22 >

idées au dessus de son gare exp
Ideas above his station, a classic put-down of those trying to advance themselves by those who consider themselves superior ● 04 Feb ’22 >

hankerchoof n
Handkerchief ● 03 Feb ’22 >

square eyes n
One who watches a lot of TV ● 02 Feb ’22 >

cast nasturtiums exp
Cast aspersions ● 02 Feb ’22 >

wee knights n
Week nights ● 02 Feb ’22 >

Yizanastikov the Russian exp
He has a nasty cough ● 30 Jan ’22 >

it’s been a bad year for Scottish hill farmers exp
(Intended as a conversation stopper) ● 29 Jan ’22 >

now mighty Caesar turned to clay might stop a wall to keep the wind away exp
We are all humbled in death ● 29 Jan ’22 >

I’m as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth exp
Answer to the question “How old are you?” ● 29 Jan ’22 >

one up, one down, one polisher exp
British Army heuristic for lavatory paper usage ● 29 Jan ’22 >

it was in the last place I looked exp
I’ve found it ● 29 Jan ’22 >

Barley-sugar Legs n
His sisters’ pet name for Dad ● 29 Jan ’22 >

second coffee n
Weak brew made by re-steeping grounds that have already been used to make the nice coffee ● 28 Jan ’22 >

tentacles n
Testicles ● 28 Jan ’22 >

Spindleshanks n
Dad’s pet name for Jane-Marie, and later for Bel ● 28 Jan ’22 >

goosegog n
Gooseberry ● 28 Jan ’22 >

I’ll raise a bunion on his Spanish onion verse
I shall have my revenge, in a sort of easy-going way ● 27 Jan ’22 >

my aunt, having made a telephone call, is feeling very much better exp
Mischievous mistranslation of the French expression Tant pis, tant mieux ● 27 Jan ’22 >

sat in a tyre exp
Reference to the phrase Dressed in silk and satin attire ● 19 Jan ’22 >

Hairy Pudder n
The fictional character Harry Potter ● 17 Jan ’22 >

oh dear… how sad… never mind exp
I acknowledge your unhappiness, but consider it overstated ● 14 Jan ’22 >

Page Nine n
The Italian violinist & composer Niccolò Paganini ● 14 Jan ’22 >

Saint Sean n
The French composer Camille Saint-Saëns ● 14 Jan ’22 >

flippin’ ug adj
Unprepossessing ● 11 Jan ’22 >

birdy num-num n
Bird seed ● 11 Jan ’22 >

propelleper n
Propeller ● 08 Jan ’22 >

roastby spuds n
Roast potatoes ● 08 Jan ’22 >

accident n
An impulse purchase ● 02 Jan ’22 >

splash and dash n
Quick foray to the grocery shop ● 01 Jan ’22 >

2021

looks like you’ve been working on it for eight hours exc
Forthright critique of a hair-do that’s closer to a hair-don’t ● 29 Dec ’21 >

it’s only a trifle said the monkey exp
Callback to: ”It’s only a trifle!” said the monkey as it peed onto the sponge fingers …an expression of disdain for the gallimaufric pudding known as a trifle ● 26 Dec ’21 >

yow cor wack it exp
That would be hard to beat ● 18 Dec ’21 >

Goat Herders’ Guide to the Galaxy (or GHGTTG) n
The christian bible ● 05 Dec ’21 >

Marcus Aurelius n
Dad’s pet name for Mark ● 05 Dec ’21 >

Ministry of Tidy Folk n
[1]. When composers in the classical tradition adopt folk music fatally by stabbing it through the soul with a baton. [2]. People who believe that the version of a folk tune they know is the one true and only version ● 05 Dec ’21 >

vulture capitalist n
Venture capitalist ● 05 Dec ’21 >

it has a better chance now exp
The mistake that prevented a thing from working has now been rectified ● 05 Dec ’21 >

testiculae loquans adj
Talking bollocks ● 05 Dec ’21 >

priest car n
Morris Minor ● 05 Dec ’21 >

law of diminishing astonishment n
The process by which we become less and less impressed by ever greater advances, especially in technology ● 05 Dec ’21 >

are bears Catholic? exp
Yes ● 25 Nov ’21 >

snorker n
Sausage ● 23 Nov ’21 >

do not the gate exp
Don’t obstruct the gate ● 23 Nov ’21 >

AFM n
Anger management ● 23 Nov ’21 >

chocolate board n
The rear boarding platform of a bus, specifically of the AEC Regent Three ● 21 Nov ’21 >

North Pole, duty penguin exp
Mischievous or stroppy phrase for answering a ringing phone ● 21 Nov ’21 >

eh wallah exp
Appears equivalent to “and there you have it” ● 21 Nov ’21 >

sparrowfart n
Very early in the morning ● 21 Nov ’21 >

Warr-Doorr n
Wardour Street in London, a centre of the film industry ● 21 Nov ’21 >

oomagoolie n
Umami, the one of the five basic tastes that didn’t have an English word (so we took the Japanese one) ● 21 Nov ’21 >

FHB exp
Family Hold Back, a reminder at parties to let guests have a good crack at the nosh before piling in ● 21 Nov ’21 >

hot holders n
Oven mitts ● 21 Nov ’21 >

pumpkin time n
Bed time ● 21 Nov ’21 >

snot harpoon n
Nasal swab ● 07 Nov ’21 >

nose pie n
The yield from a nose-picking foray ● 07 Nov ’21 >

another saucer of milk? exp
Goodness me, that was a catty [mean, spiteful] comment! ● 07 Nov ’21 >

insult v
Consult ● 07 Nov ’21 >

ouzo n
Ozone ● 07 Nov ’21 >

gash adj
Broken. Can also, in the same general sense, be a noun meaning rubbish ● 07 Nov ’21 >

pick up fagends v
Pay attention to snippets of others’ conversation, particularly without the full context, often with a view to joining in ● 07 Nov ’21 >

do you want me to write a letter? exp
Mum’s response to an offspring complaining about unfairness or strife at school, and later at work ● 07 Nov ’21 >

Waly Disneq n
Walt Disney ● 07 Nov ’21 >

do I have to eat the beak? exp
(No real meaning – just a bonding cry) ● 06 Nov ’21 >

bonbon ching gum caramel! exp
(No real meaning – just a bonding cry) ● 06 Nov ’21 >

all the way round sir? exp
Literally “shall I serve you everything?” Can be used to imply a hint of gluttony ● 06 Nov ’21 >

hoof-hearted exp
Has the form of an adjective, but is just a surreptitious way of calling out someone else’s flatulence ● 31 Oct ’21 >

can’t get his tongue round his Rs adj
Has difficulty saying the letter R ● 31 Oct ’21 >

hullabaloo n
One given to loud and/or exhibitionist behaviour, especially when boating ● 31 Oct ’21 >

curtains generation n
Those who grew up when mental illness was shameful and the only treatment was “pull yourself together” ● 31 Oct ’21 >

generation J n
Baby boomers, those of us who grew up with affordable housing, generous pensions and free university ● 31 Oct ’21 >

obsquecious adj
Obsequious ● 17 Sep ’21 >

Bob Cox n
The physicist Brian Cox ● 17 Sep ’21 >

nice parking job, big guy! exc
I am deeply unimpressed with your attempt at parking ● 17 Sep ’21 >

rough as a badger adj
Rough (in the sense of not smooth, but not in the sense of approximate) ● 17 Sep ’21 >

lobster pop n
Lobster pot ● 17 Sep ’21 >

I was a fool to think the old Percy was dead exp
I find myself amorously inclined ● 06 Sep ’21 >

my wife’s wedding anniversary exp
Hallmark of an unromantic husband ● 06 Sep ’21 >

biddle biddle exp
The ringing sound of a GPO Trimphone, the trendy alternative to the standard issue phone ● 06 Sep ’21 >

warned in a dream exp
Take a different route ● 06 Sep ’21 >

let’s put the roof on first exp
Let’s do a thing that due reflection would reveal to be impossible ● 06 Sep ’21 >

sealion adj
Senile ● 06 Sep ’21 >

baby abluga n
Baby beluga ● 04 Sep ’21 >

cunsternoon afterble exp
Good afternoon, constable ● 04 Sep ’21 >

wobblevoice n
Singing with vibrato, especially when taken to excess ● 04 Sep ’21 >

dusty end n
The part of a violin’s fingerboard closer to the bridge than first position, where non-classical players rarely venture ● 04 Sep ’21 >

it’s no skin off my teeth exp
I am not affected by this ● 04 Sep ’21 >

muchos cocineros! exc
My goodness, what a lot of people there are in the kitchen! ● 04 Sep ’21 >

Ministry of Tidy Ruins n
Generic term for English Heritage, Historic Scotland and similar organisations dedicated to setting the ragged remains of long-gone buildings in neatly trimmed grass ● 04 Sep ’21 >

hoddududuh n
Hand-powered carpet sweeper ● 04 Sep ’21 >

ump and tions exp
What assumptions make an ass of ● 20 Aug ’21 >

Australian naming n
The practice of assigning proper names that are unduly literal, such as Great Barrier Reef, Northern Territory, Snowy Mountains, Great Sandy Desert, Mitchell Multilevel Falls, Great Dividing Range etc ● 19 Aug ’21 >

Gusto n
A mystery friend ● 19 Aug ’21 >

myzled v
Misled ● 19 Aug ’21 >

village aunty n
Vigilante ● 19 Aug ’21 >

for Ron adj
For later on ● 19 Aug ’21 >

testiculate v
Employ expansive gestures whilst talking bollocks ● 11 Aug ’21 >

here’s a tanner each to go away exp
Mental reaction to carol singers knocking the door. Can be literal or ironic. Would not actually be voiced ● 11 Aug ’21 >

clever people like me who talk loudly in restaurants exp
Expression of disapproval of people who talk loudly in restaurants ● 11 Aug ’21 >

straight-straight-straight exp
Straight on ● 11 Aug ’21 >

mexicakes n
Mexican pancakes when made at home from tortillas, mince, vegetables etc. ● 11 Aug ’21 >

old folk joke n
A joke so old that it tickles no-one, but must be trotted out when a suitable setup is given ● 11 Aug ’21 >

I want gets nothing exp
Don’t ask for things ● 11 Aug ’21 >

black-coated workers n
Prunes ● 11 Aug ’21 >

punctuality is a politeness of kings exp
Don’t be late ● 11 Aug ’21 >

limerish n
Limerick that doesn’t quite follow the rules of that verse form ● 11 Aug ’21 >

ready-ready adj
Ready, this moment, to do the next thing (as opposed to starting to think about bringing the previous activity to a close… at some point… probably, which is some people’s idea of “ready”) ● 09 Aug ’21 >

I Clavdivs n
I, Claudius, the book of Robert Graves ● 29 Jul ’21 >

goodndit n
One of the good guys in a story ● 29 Jul ’21 >

desecrated coconut n
Dessicated coconut ● 29 Jul ’21 >

flappyfishogram n
Echocardiogram, an ultrasound scan of the heart ● 29 Jul ’21 >

orpathedic adj
Orthopaedic ● 29 Jul ’21 >

drafty draft n
Precursor to a draft (of documents) ● 29 Jul ’21 >

cockpit ape n
One who drives with an arm resting along the door, in the manner of Clarkson J and Johnson B ● 28 Jul ’21 >

laxadaisical adj
Like lackadaisical, but laxer ● 28 Jul ’21 >

sun, sea, sand and, er…, palms exp
Manual self-stimulation ● 28 Jul ’21 >

washing machine n
A water’s-edge game: while able to stand, hold hands facing inwards in a ring; float & kick legs to make a splash, and if possible get some rotation going. For 4+ participants ● 28 Jul ’21 >

I only dropped them once exp
I only destroyed { the item in question } once ● 27 Jul ’21 >

Boom-holé n
Fictional planet ● 27 Jul ’21 >

bearded mushrooms n
Breaded mushrooms ● 27 Jul ’21 >

chilli gone barmy n
Chilli con carne ● 27 Jul ’21 >

fartidoodalus n
One who messes around, or exhibits lack of focus and determination ● 27 Jul ’21 >

BO-er n
Deodorant ● 27 Jul ’21 >

coffinated adj
Sold in a sealed punnet (of food) ● 27 Jul ’21 >

omzetbelasting exc
Imprecation that sounds ruder than it is ● 27 Jul ’21 >

le grand fromage lui-même exp
The big cheese himself ● 19 Jul ’21 >

le chien retourne a son propre vomissement exp
The dog returns to its own vomit ● 19 Jul ’21 >

Mr Brown upstairs smoking n
The wholly fictitious person a young lad claimed would pay his bus fare, buying him time to scarper when the conductor went upstairs ● 06 Jul ’21 >

Silliam William n
Intentionally pompous variation of the mild put-down Silly Billy ● 06 Jul ’21 >

a light to lighten the genitals exp
Graffito seen in the gentlemen’s convenience of The Perch inn, Oxford, written beneath the single dim lamp on the wall above the urinals ● 06 Jul ’21 >

taramadiddle n
Like taradiddle, but taradiddlier ● 06 Jul ’21 >

some people really work at being miserable exp
Gosh, s/he doesn’t look for the silver lining! ● 06 Jul ’21 >

hiding behind the door when the brains were handed out adj
Not notably astute ● 06 Jul ’21 >

Depeche Mode n
The retailer Decathlon ● 06 Jul ’21 >

His Majesty’s Lunchbox n
The retailer Majestic Wines ● 06 Jul ’21 >

uninvited guest at every conversation n
TV ● 05 Jul ’21 >

sniggle v
Like snigger, but with less implied criticism ● 05 Jul ’21 >

practise beforehand which ruins the fun verse
Take preparation seriously. Callback to Flanders & Swann’s A song of patriotic prejudice: And all the world over each nation’s the same They’ve simply no notion of playing the game They argue with umpires, they cheer when they’ve won And they practise beforehand which ruins the fun ● 27 Jun ’21 >

more of a meal than a drink exp
Tea served from a pot without a strainer ● 27 Jun ’21 >

there we are then! exc
What a silly person! ● 27 Jun ’21 >

Teshco n
Tesco, the supermarket chain ● 27 Jun ’21 >

homeopathic vodka n
Water ● 27 Jun ’21 >

Milly-Molly-Mandy house n
A stereotypical house, absolutely symmetrical with one window each side of the porch, three matching windows on the first floor (2ⁿᵈ if you’re American) & the pitch of the roof matching the pitch of the porch ● 27 Jun ’21 >

Turd & Cabbage n
Slug & Lettuce, the restaurant chain ● 27 Jun ’21 >

haddoncave v
Participate in PE without a jockstrap ● 27 Jun ’21 >

spider werb n
Spider’s web ● 27 Jun ’21 >

up to a point, Lord Copper exp
No ● 27 Jun ’21 >

Lethal Festival n
The Leith Hill Musical Festival ● 27 May ’21 >

Mount Ararat n
Mount Alvernia hospital, Guildford, which is a long climb from the bus stop on the Epsom road ● 27 May ’21 >

there was a young man of Tralee verse
Callback to the Limerish: There was a young man of Tralee Got stung on the nose by a wasp When asked “Did it hurt?” He said “No not a bit Thank goodness it wasn’t a hornet” ● 27 May ’21 >

empty sugar bags exp
What couples actually say when they whisper sweet nothings ● 27 May ’21 >

bet that’s cooled his biryani down a bit exp
He seems to find that drink refreshing ● 27 May ’21 >

your egg’s broken exp
One of the things I’m cooking is less perfect than the other and I’ve decided to give it to you ● 27 May ’21 >

come to the cookhouse door, boys! verse
The meal is ready ● 27 May ’21 >

get aht t’road ye silly beggar! exc
Cease obstructing my passage! ● 27 May ’21 >

a kangaroo loose in the top paddick adj
Not wholly in command of events ● 27 May ’21 >

wishywashy place n
The under-bed compartment that serves as a laundry basket at Heron Island ● 27 May ’21 >

alibaba n
The laundry basket at Greenmantle ● 27 May ’21 >

POETS day n
Piss off early, tomorrow’s Saturday (or, for sensitive ears, Push off…) ● 27 May ’21 >

misery chest n
First aid kit taken on holidays, or medicine cupboard at home ● 26 May ’21 >

ancestor tea n
The weak tea resulting from topping a pot up with hot water a second or subsequent time ● 26 May ’21 >

Biggles flies undone exp
1. (Meaningless interjection at any allusion to the fictional character James Bigglesworth, or to any other similarly improbably ept aviator) 2. Your flies are undone ● 26 May ’21 >

any more laid back his bum would fall off exp
Extremely relaxed, perhaps reprehensibly so ● 26 May ’21 >

anti-cretinous adj
Anti-tetanus ● 26 May ’21 >

three-ee blice verse
Three blind mice …from the nursery rhyme ● 26 May ’21 >

diddle diddle dumpling, mice and John verse
Diddle diddle dumpling, my son John …the nursery rhyme ● 26 May ’21 >

that’s the badger! exc
Ah, *that* is the object/technique/problem/solution we were looking for ● 26 May ’21 >

bogflosher n
Drain unblocker ● 25 May ’21 >

dead, and never called me mother exp
General purpose acknowledgement of a tragic circumstance ● 25 May ’21 >

fraggleflops n
A particular kind of shoe, with very little potential as a weapon, issued to prison inmates ● 25 May ’21 >

fundo-cubital dislocia n
The condition of being unable to distinguish between one’s arse and one’s elbow ● 25 May ’21 >

assumptions make an ass of ump and tions exp
Avoid making assumptions ● 25 May ’21 >

swooshbox n
Dishwasher ● 25 May ’21 >

my word, Hetty verse
A callback to the song fragment: My word, Hetty If I catch you on the jetty I’ll saw your leg off And stick it on with jam In Amsterdam …to a tune that the compilers have yet to identify ● 25 May ’21 >

I remember being in Scotland verse
A callback to the song fragment: I remember being in Scotland Shooting peas up a nanny goat’s bottom …to the tune of Men of Harlech ● 25 May ’21 >

brown katies n
Bronchitis ● 25 May ’21 >

alec tricity n
Electricity ● 25 May ’21 >

good moaning exp
Good morning ● 25 May ’21 >

shrimp-wrapped adj
Shrink-wrapped ● 25 May ’21 >

Coorg’s n
The American beer Coor’s ● 25 May ’21 >

it’s the water exp
Expression of disdain for mass-market American beers ● 25 May ’21 >

code yellow exp
A pee, or going for a pee, or in need of a pee ● 25 May ’21 >

grouse adj
Very good ● 25 May ’21 >

Golliwog railway n
The Festiniog (now Ffestiniog) Railway in N Wales ● 25 May ’21 >

Cla’am n
Gentrified pronunciation of the London district Clapham ● 25 May ’21 >

St Reatham n
Gentrified pronunciation of the London district Streatham ● 25 May ’21 >

Columbo bladder n
The condition, familiar to some older gentlemen, that causes the bladder to suggest one last squirt after the micturiter has shut up shop, washed hands and headed for the door ● 25 May ’21 >

ticky tacky n
Shoddy building material ● 16 May ’21 >

a boy is a boy… exp
A callback to the proverb: A boy is a boy; two boys are half a boy; three boys are no boy at all …a commentary on the productivity of boys hired to do work, when child labour was considered acceptable ● 16 May ’21 >

fall over blackwards exp
Positive discrimination taken to extremes ● 16 May ’21 >

chained to the oar of a magnificent galley exp
Your humble labours in pursuit of a noble objective do not go unnoticed ● 16 May ’21 >

ahiggit ahugget exp
That person is taking self-deprecation to extremes ● 16 May ’21 >

Great Aunt Pottymouth n
Naomi ● 16 May ’21 >

bezz pawk adj
Bespoke ● 12 May ’21 >

one more shirt will do me exp
Don’t wash or iron me any more shirts as I’m going to drop dead any moment now ● 12 May ’21 >

my back, my belly and my two sides exp
Response to person complaining they feel unwell ● 12 May ’21 >

Horrible Life n
Herbal Life (now Herbalife), the brand of shampoo & similar products ● 12 May ’21 >

Stinkyniger n
Rhosneigr, the seaside village in Anglesey ● 12 May ’21 >

little birdie flying high verse
A callback to this ditty: Little birdie flying high Drops a present from the sky Angry farmer wipes his eye Thanking god that cows don’t fly ● 12 May ’21 >

what will you have? said the waiter exp
A callback to this ditty: “What will you have?” said the waiter, pensively picking his nose “Two boiled eggs, you scoundrel – you won’t get your fingers in those” ● 12 May ’21 >

unleaded adj
Decaffeinated ● 12 May ’21 >

no bones in it! exp
Easy, little one, there’s nothing hard to swallow in my milk ● 27 Apr ’21 >

sparkling plugs n
Spark plugs ● 27 Apr ’21 >

talkie-walkie n
Walkie-talkie ● 27 Apr ’21 >

you can go off people exp
A person I have hitherto admired has done or said something reprehensible ● 27 Apr ’21 >

where’s the yucky bowl? exp
This meal is not entirely palatable ● 23 Apr ’21 >

Basingrad n
Basingstoke ● 23 Apr ’21 >

rectal floss n
The type of swimming attire that disappears up the wearer’s bum crack (intentionally) ● 23 Apr ’21 >

make friends in cookhouse exp
Treat support workers with respect ● 23 Apr ’21 >

Higwi Kombi n
High Wycombe ● 20 Apr ’21 >

crank tea n
Herbal infusion ● 20 Apr ’21 >

wut‽ exc
Like what‽, but whattier ● 16 Apr ’21 >

have speaks v
Discuss ● 16 Apr ’21 >

that man did smack me with a needle! exc
Toddler Mark’s blubbing reaction to an inoculation which he had not expected ● 16 Apr ’21 >

14155 n
Iliff ● 16 Apr ’21 >

PAC n
1) Pissing awful coffee. 2) Pa’s awful coffee …depending on the audience ● 13 Apr ’21 >

jam sandwich n
Police car ● 13 Apr ’21 >

blop n
Like blob, but ploppier ● 13 Apr ’21 >

salad pie n
Quiche ● 13 Apr ’21 >

holly bush n
Mythical physical laxative ● 10 Apr ’21 >

de petits pois n
Two small pears… if your French is as bad as Mark’s was ● 10 Apr ’21 >

ontray! exc
Special version of “come in” for room service when in France… because the food comes on a tray ● 07 Apr ’21 >

bumpity-bolliko adj
Uneven or bumpy (of a road) ● 07 Apr ’21 >

you daft ha’p’orth! exc
That is entertainingly silly ● 07 Apr ’21 >

chutney n
Lightning ● 07 Apr ’21 >

oatygoats n
Goats ● 07 Apr ’21 >

it’s worse than the ticktolleroo exp
A little less fidgeting please ● 07 Apr ’21 >

whocares n
County when filling in a web form ● 03 Apr ’21 >

bumpity bolliko n
Collision ● 03 Apr ’21 >

who’s “she” – the cat’s mother? exc
Refer to women by their names, not pronouns! ● 03 Apr ’21 >

soya sturvya exp
I am sorry to disturb you ● 03 Apr ’21 >

gee what great looking kids – are they adopted? exp
Intended meaning: Your kids are a lot blonder than you two ● 30 Mar ’21 >

wisp n
Whist ● 30 Mar ’21 >

brunty adj
Brunette ● 30 Mar ’21 >

envelote n
Envelope ● 30 Mar ’21 >

fire eng truck n
Fire engine ● 30 Mar ’21 >

white seals n
White folk swimming in the Thames, especially before the suntan season ● 30 Mar ’21 >

bouncealine n
Trampoline ● 30 Mar ’21 >

blind mullet n
Seaborne bolus ● 30 Mar ’21 >

abratadabra exc
Answer to the question “What’s the magic word?” ● 30 Mar ’21 >

encambula n
Ambulance ● 30 Mar ’21 >

daddy socks n
A technique of putting on a sock whereby the heel is pulled up through the leg so that the sole can be placed over the foot ● 30 Mar ’21 >

niggs n
Eggs ● 30 Mar ’21 >

shot a bunny v
Passed wind ● 29 Mar ’21 >

forgetty bowl of naise n
Spaghetti bolognaise ● 29 Mar ’21 >

spacemen drop-off n
Specimen drop-off ● 27 Mar ’21 >

hopsital n
Hospital ● 27 Mar ’21 >

extinguished adj
Distinguished ● 25 Mar ’21 >

murano adj
Merino ● 25 Mar ’21 >

bumbag aloo n
Bombay aloo ● 25 Mar ’21 >

Aunty Mark n
Uncle Mark ● 25 Mar ’21 >

graunty / gruncle n
Great aunty / Great uncle ● 25 Mar ’21 >

good girl, Daddy exp
You have my approval, Father ● 25 Mar ’21 >

bumhug n
Humbug (the hard minty sweet) ● 24 Mar ’21 >

wi’ oor knickers hangin’ doon exp
Obligatory rejoinder to “we’re off tae toon” ● 24 Mar ’21 >

pump n
Nonsense ● 24 Mar ’21 >

priestage n
Prestige ● 24 Mar ’21 >

poffle n
Pop filter for a microphone ● 24 Mar ’21 >

p’daahlo n
Pedalo ● 24 Mar ’21 >

stabbing n
Blood test. Can also refer to an injection ● 23 Mar ’21 >

what mind is here o’erthrown exp
That is an uncharacteristically ill-considered remark, decision or action ● 23 Mar ’21 >

Cornish nasty n
1) A poorly made Cornish pasty. 2) A Cornish pasty …depending on your point of view ● 23 Mar ’21 >

boom and scrunch n
The parlour game zoom and screech ● 22 Mar ’21 >

then on Friday… no, tell a lie, it was the Saturday exp
Caricature of that particular variety of storytelling that is long on irrelevant detail and short on, well, story ● 22 Mar ’21 >

let my son have the ball! exc
Veiled threat to embarrass an offspring by intervening on their behalf in something they ought to have under control ● 22 Mar ’21 >

there’s no show without Punch exp
Jobs don’t get done when the person who normally does them is away ● 21 Mar ’21 >

lumps n
Mumps ● 21 Mar ’21 >

pune or play on words n
Pun or wordplay ● 21 Mar ’21 >

paucey adj
Limp, pale or unprepossessing ● 21 Mar ’21 >

disgusterous adj
Disgusting ● 21 Mar ’21 >

time to put clothes on exp
Time to get up ● 21 Mar ’21 >

tolerably early night exp
An early night, which the children involved would likely find intolerable and the adults highly tolerable ● 21 Mar ’21 >

how’s your belly off for spots? exp
How are you ● 21 Mar ’21 >

wadundudundu n
Sleeping policeman (speed bump) intended as a traffic-calming measure ● 21 Mar ’21 >

dudu n
Insect or bug ● 21 Mar ’21 >

don fly! exc
Be gone, flying insect! ● 21 Mar ’21 >

flappy plate n
Flour tortilla ● 20 Mar ’21 >

castrated adj
Decaffeinated (of coffee or tea) ● 20 Mar ’21 >

body coddler n
Sleeveless coat, or gilet ● 20 Mar ’21 >

you must give me the recipe exp
That meal was appalling ● 20 Mar ’21 >

yam all right our kid? exp
Do you fare well, sibling? ● 20 Mar ’21 >

tibbit! exc
Shout to be given if first to sight a yellow hydrant during a car journey ● 19 Mar ’21 >

81 exp
Response to “night-night!” ● 19 Mar ’21 >

I’ll have the other half now exp
Perhaps I could be persuaded to a little more beer ● 19 Mar ’21 >

thalassa! thalassa! exc
After many hours’ travel towards the seaside, there at last is the actual sea! (thalassa = θαλασσα = sea) ● 19 Mar ’21 >

dere ’tis! exc
After many hours’ travel towards the seaside, there at last is the actual sea! ● 19 Mar ’21 >

who’s going round the roundabout? verse
(Rhetorical) ● 19 Mar ’21 >

slap it in the middle and we’ll all get a bit exp
I propose (or threaten) to serve this jelly, rice pudding, trifle or other osh by striking it in the middle with a ladle ● 19 Mar ’21 >

horse’s douvers n
Hors d’oeuvres ● 19 Mar ’21 >

bogpaper music n
Homogenised soulless featureless maundering lift music – tear off amount required ● 19 Mar ’21 >

listen to the silence! exc
Isn’t it quiet? ● 19 Mar ’21 >

flosh n
With qualifier: fizzy liquid. Without qualifier: elderflosh (qv) ● 19 Mar ’21 >

elderflosh n
Elderflower cordial ● 19 Mar ’21 >

ah-ahs n
Poo ● 19 Mar ’21 >

tassel n
Penis ● 19 Mar ’21 >

nipple cake n
Cherry bakewell ● 19 Mar ’21 >

a touch of the don’t-want-to-goes exp
Reluctance to go somewhere ● 19 Mar ’21 >

snortelly snips n
Sleep, especially in anticipation ● 17 Mar ’21 >

vladivostok exc
(Exclamation for covering a belch ) ● 17 Mar ’21 >

get off and milk it! exp
I am not very impressed with your vehicle ● 17 Mar ’21 >

shut up and give your arse a chance exp
You appear to be talking nonsense ● 17 Mar ’21 >

bat tsch-tsch n
Bathroom cleaner ● 17 Mar ’21 >

hyper-bowl n
Hyperbole ● 17 Mar ’21 >

sooky adj
Timid and/or apt to complain and/or resistant to fun ● 17 Mar ’21 >

rabbit of negative euphoria n
One who is unhappy ● 17 Mar ’21 >

oh bother! exc
Things are not going well ● 17 Mar ’21 >

loggy sticks n
Logistics ● 17 Mar ’21 >

squeamful adj
Like squeamish, but less indefinite ● 17 Mar ’21 >

respectawiggle adj
Respectable ● 17 Mar ’21 >

no, it’s just the way I’m breathing exp
Time-honoured answer to the question “Are you coming?” ● 16 Mar ’21 >

bug rake n
Hair comb ● 16 Mar ’21 >

wellcome home exp
Welcome home ● 16 Mar ’21 >

knock it on the head exp
A suggestion by Dad’s consultant for dealing with a UTI ● 16 Mar ’21 >

I want to watch me daddy pee exp
(What it says) ● 15 Mar ’21 >

no use to man or dog exp
No use to man or beast ● 14 Mar ’21 >

hoggry tiglets! exc
My, what a satisfying ending! ● 14 Mar ’21 >

all of a sudden a big black pudding came floating through the air exc
You are about to be struck during a pillow fight ● 14 Mar ’21 >

gubby n
Car sporting a GB plate when seen abroad ● 14 Mar ’21 >

smells like coffee, looks like cocoa n
WW1 army tea ● 14 Mar ’21 >

grabled exnaplation n
Garbled explanation… but garbled ● 14 Mar ’21 >

mismanglement n
Mismanagement, only more so ● 14 Mar ’21 >

I’ve got my big eating hat on! exp
Settle down, stop this noise/disagreement/kerfuffle ● 13 Mar ’21 >

pugsaw jizzle n
Jigsaw puzzle ● 13 Mar ’21 >

humididity n
Humidity ● 13 Mar ’21 >

PhD point n
A subtlety in a creative work so obscure that it will pass unnoticed, unless it becomes the subject of a PhD one day ● 13 Mar ’21 >

stumps (or call stumps) exp
Declare the end of play – call a halt to an undertaking with no defined end, or simply decide it’s bedtime ● 13 Mar ’21 >

sausinge n
Sausage ● 13 Mar ’21 >

Déjà Vu n
Citroën Deux Chevaux (2CV) ● 13 Mar ’21 >

splash me boots! exp
Excuse me while I make a visit to the gents’ lavatory ● 12 Mar ’21 >

pointèd stick n
Pointed stick ● 12 Mar ’21 >

fox’s puss n
Faux pas ● 12 Mar ’21 >

fiat lux, a remark attributed to God exp
Let there be light ● 12 Mar ’21 >

what a fall of royalty! exc
Goodness, those picture cards were badly defeated! ● 12 Mar ’21 >

said Aunt Helga exp
response to anyone saying “tis” (or “it is” without sufficient care) ● 12 Mar ’21 >

hot will grow cold, if greedy will wait exp
If you had patience then your mouth would not be burning right now ● 12 Mar ’21 >

der dee twiddly, dee twiddly, dee botty-cracks exp
We have reached the end of this book/film/TV series ● 12 Mar ’21 >

zlotniks n
A wedgie ● 12 Mar ’21 >

home again, home again, jiggedy jog verse
We are finally home! Pa would chant it upon arriving home after an outing with Mr Bump ● 12 Mar ’21 >

bog n
Dog ● 12 Mar ’21 >

epoophany n
A paradigm-shifting thought, reached while sitting upon the throne ● 12 Mar ’21 >

bathroom thought n
A thought, had while using the facilities that exits your mind as you exit the smallest room ● 12 Mar ’21 >

no fun allowed exp
You have tried to do something nice for yourself and the world will not permit it ● 12 Mar ’21 >

a crow, letting exp
I am pressing lightly on your head with the fingernails of one hand, and am claiming that a crow has settled there in case you should think that I am pressing lightly on your head with the fingernails of one hand ● 12 Mar ’21 >

there’s a ghost, there’s a ghost, throw a flannel at its face! exc
I see you have a flannel on your face. I am about to throw another at you. The flannel already on your face will make this a shocking experience ● 12 Mar ’21 >

obstacular adj
Being an obstacle ● 12 Mar ’21 >

move your lips! exc
Your diction is unsatisfactory ● 12 Mar ’21 >

Fiddlywaxeye n
Imaginary third person when sharing something out between two people – the person counting out ends up with ⅔ and their good-natured companion with ⅓ ● 11 Mar ’21 >

thunderwobbler n
Spin dryer, or washing machine when spin drying ● 11 Mar ’21 >

combine hoover n
Combine harvester ● 11 Mar ’21 >

flutterby n
Butterfly ● 11 Mar ’21 >

fustercluck n
A mess resulting from several mistakes compounding each other ● 11 Mar ’21 >

noxious weed n
Non-native species of plant ● 11 Mar ’21 >

sickly cake n
Individual cake of the indulgent type served for afternoon tea at the right sort of hotel ● 11 Mar ’21 >

if you get there first, draw a chalk line; if I get there first, I’ll rub it out exp
(Laudable nonsense) ● 11 Mar ’21 >

how awdinawy! exc
Depressingly dull. Disappointingly ordinary ● 11 Mar ’21 >

peelywally baggie n
Part-baked baguette ● 09 Mar ’21 >

peelywally adj
Unwell, washed out, under the weather, pale & uninteresting ● 09 Mar ’21 >

op n
Any edible liquid/paste/stew ● 09 Mar ’21 >

if you’re up that way with your teeth exp
If you will be going anyway ● 09 Mar ’21 >

they are curlews of the fenland! verse
Call and response upon seeing a seagull. ● 09 Mar ’21 >

your tiny hand is frozen! verse
Your hand (not necessarily tiny) is frozen ● 09 Mar ’21 >

1-2-3 wash yourself, ducky! exc
I am throwing a handful of wet sand at you ● 09 Mar ’21 >

lah-pom n
Lavatory ● 09 Mar ’21 >

lumpy ming fruit n
Beetroot ● 08 Mar ’21 >

playback n
The luggage area of an estate car ● 08 Mar ’21 >

pinghole n
Microwave oven ● 08 Mar ’21 >

short arms, deep pockets adj
Mean, stingy ● 08 Mar ’21 >

tight as a crab’s arse under water adj
Unduly economy-minded ● 08 Mar ’21 >

longhetti n
Spaghetti (see Notes) ● 08 Mar ’21 >

get off home with you! exc
Your round of golf is spoiling the view from my window ● 08 Mar ’21 >

so you do that exp
Response to an inaudible PA announcement ● 08 Mar ’21 >

cover it over quick, Jemima! verse
You are displaying a little more flesh than you might wish ● 08 Mar ’21 >

yellow is mellow, but if it’s brown flush it down exp
Flush poo but not pee ● 08 Mar ’21 >

elsh n
Elephant dung ● 08 Mar ’21 >

vacs up nice adj
Responds well to treatment with a vacuum cleaner ● 08 Mar ’21 >

I wanna beetroot exc
I really like the look of those toffee apples ● 07 Mar ’21 >

cronky donkey n
Decrepit railway train, especially an old DMU ● 06 Mar ’21 >

flatusphere n
The hazard zone of a flatus ● 06 Mar ’21 >

old bagaloon n
Humourless older woman ● 06 Mar ’21 >

WOMBAT n
Waste of money, brains and time ● 05 Mar ’21 >

trypo n
Intentional typo for typo ● 05 Mar ’21 >

fart young smeller n
Smart young feller ● 05 Mar ’21 >

clootie n
Left-handed person ● 05 Mar ’21 >

makes your eyebrows sweat exp
An unexpected consequence of eating blackcurrants ● 05 Mar ’21 >

a peach of a boat exp
Literally: A very nice boat. Intended meaning: A fishing boat ● 05 Mar ’21 >

three ha’p’orth of gawd help us exp
Disorganised, uncoordinated, a shambles ● 05 Mar ’21 >

hypodemic nerdle n
Hypodermic needle ● 05 Mar ’21 >

pornograph n
Imaginary appliance for displaying pornography ● 05 Mar ’21 >

senseless man n
Census man ● 05 Mar ’21 >

potato sock n
Sock with several holes ● 04 Mar ’21 >

saganaki! exc
Goodness me, what low-hanging testicles that chap has been blessed with! ● 04 Mar ’21 >

vauum n
The sound of a vacuum-flush lavatory ● 04 Mar ’21 >

puffin break n
When climbing, a puffing break with a pretext ● 04 Mar ’21 >

osh n
Generic term for sauces, soufflés, jellies, dips, pastes, pickles and other comestibles of a similar consistency ● 04 Mar ’21 >

Snablats n
St Albans ● 04 Mar ’21 >

Notlob n
Bolton ● 04 Mar ’21 >

I don’t boil my cabbages twice exp
I decline to repeat the words to which you failed to give proper attention ● 04 Mar ’21 >

forn prongs n
Travel adapters for electrical plugs ● 04 Mar ’21 >

do it self! exc
I firmly decline your offer of help ● 04 Mar ’21 >

garnsed up adj
1) In a tangle. 2) Badly soiled ● 04 Mar ’21 >

park-anywheres n
Vehicle hazard warning lights (aka four-way flashers) ● 04 Mar ’21 >

hogwashing hat n
Impromptu sun hat made by drawing up a t-shirt until the neck band sits round the forehead and the remainder covers the neck ● 03 Mar ’21 >

flopsam & jepsam n
Flotsam & jetsam ● 03 Mar ’21 >

pingams n
Belly button ● 03 Mar ’21 >

fok strongbody adj
Powerful, strong, intense ● 03 Mar ’21 >

couldn’t organise a black pudding adj
Scatty, disorganised, bumbling ● 03 Mar ’21 >

contrived delights of LA n
Los Angeles’s theme parks ● 03 Mar ’21 >

Muggerborski n
The composer Mussorgsky ● 03 Mar ’21 >

elephant paper n
Kitchen roll ● 03 Mar ’21 >

poverty model n
Bottom-of-the-range option, especally where the cost savings are conspicuous ● 03 Mar ’21 >

pang! exc
Like bang, but clangier ● 03 Mar ’21 >

cash’n’flash n
Pay-and-display car park ● 03 Mar ’21 >

ky-oo Daddy! exc
On second thoughts, Father, I should like to take up your offer to carry me ● 03 Mar ’21 >

shivery bite n
Biscuit or sweet issued after a swim ● 03 Mar ’21 >

undercrunk n
Strip of pebbles just below the waterline on an otherwise sandy beach ● 03 Mar ’21 >

wee board n
The pastry base of a tart ● 03 Mar ’21 >

where we have been, no-one can tell exp
We have left this picnic spot, beach or other location as we found it – well done us ● 03 Mar ’21 >

zizzer-zoof seeds n
Features, especially in software, “which nobody wants, because nobody needs” ● 03 Mar ’21 >

wobulence n
Mild turbulence ● 03 Mar ’21 >

Iliff Point n
The remotest part of a beach, where we would go to be away from everyone else (even though it meant lugging everything miles from the car) ● 03 Mar ’21 >

Iliff Wight n
Isle of Wight, a county of England ● 03 Mar ’21 >

cooking fat! exc
By jove, that cat is annoying me ● 02 Mar ’21 >

shabby and miscellaneous adj
Disappointing ● 02 Mar ’21 >

Stirling Moss, chica/chico! exc
Goodness me, you seem to be driving exuberantly today ● 02 Mar ’21 >

wash horses v
Wash hair ● 02 Mar ’21 >

toasty bombola n
Heated car seat ● 02 Mar ’21 >

case case case exp
In any case ● 02 Mar ’21 >

sof adj
Like soft, but softer ● 02 Mar ’21 >

charge like a wounded bull v
Charge exorbitantly ● 02 Mar ’21 >

lie like a flatfish v
Tell extreme lies ● 02 Mar ’21 >

thank you Mrs Lowsborough Goosborough verse
Thanks for nothing ● 02 Mar ’21 >

purple-headeds n
Mountains ● 02 Mar ’21 >

whackers n
Lies ● 02 Mar ’21 >

bong n
Person defined by their location, role or relationship ● 28 Feb ’21 >

slimy ming fruit n
Avocado ● 28 Feb ’21 >

bobaligoo n
Boat fender ● 28 Feb ’21 >

blick auf exp
Wake up! ● 28 Feb ’21 >

bim n
Bowel movement ● 28 Feb ’21 >

big clock n
Thing to be coveted ● 28 Feb ’21 >

be told! exc
Don’t argue! ● 28 Feb ’21 >

Beezlebub n
Mispronunciation of Beelzebub ● 28 Feb ’21 >

basking hickory stick n
Lavatory bowl floater ● 28 Feb ’21 >

bagaloons n
Capacious knickers ● 27 Feb ’21 >

American seat n
A merry conceit ● 27 Feb ’21 >

it’s only me Naymee! exp
I am exercising my self-conferred right to enter your house without an invitation ● 27 Feb ’21 >

I takin’ my sack and my boots exp
I’ve had enough of this ● 26 Feb ’21 >

little teapots have big spouts exp
Let us continue this discussion later, when the children aren’t listening ● 26 Feb ’21 >

NQOTD exp
Not quite our type, darling ● 26 Feb ’21 >

breathe in, it’s good for you exp
Please cease complaining about this stinky farmyard ● 26 Feb ’21 >

dumsey-whumnuts adj
Rough, uneven, pitted (of roads) ● 24 Feb ’21 >

BKJ adj
Bright, keen & jolly ● 24 Feb ’21 >

bum of the flightle bee exp
Flight of the bumblebee, the Rimsky-Korsakov orchestral piece ● 22 Feb ’21 >

honker n
Goose ● 22 Feb ’21 >

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