This site is for the Mark & Naomi Iliff family. For Mark’s work persona go to Talespinner

Iliff-King phrasebook

• 1-2-3 wash yourself, ducky!
• 14155
• 81
• a boy is a boy…
• a chill wind in the Trossachs
• a crow, letting
• a day late and a dollar short
• a kangaroo loose in the top paddick
• a light to lighten the genitals
• a peach of a boat
• a touch of the don’t-want-to-goes
• abratadabra
• accident
• AFM
• ah-ahs
• aha, Rasputin, the mad monk, climbing up those Russian steppés!
• ahiggit ahugget
• alec tricity
• alibaba
• all of a sudden a big black pudding came floating through the air
• all the way round sir?
• ambliance
• American seat
• ancestor tea
• and hadn’t we the gaeity at Phil the fluter’s ball
• and the band played Believe it if you like
• another saucer of milk?
• another saucer of milk?
• anti-cretinous
• any more laid back his bum would fall off
• are bears Catholic?
• ars bin
• arsnip
• assumptions make an ass of ump and tions
• Aunty Brute
• Aunty Mark
• Australian naming
• B I tish
• baby abluga
• bagaloons
• Barley-sugar Legs
• Basingrad
• basking hickory stick
• bastardsphere
• bat tsch-tsch
• bathroom thought
• be told!
• bearded mushrooms
• beef cut
• beefa leefa
• Beezlebub
• Ben Yehuda
• bet that’s cooled his biryani down a bit
• Betelgwayzay
• bezz pawk
• biddle biddle
• big clock
• big crisp
• Biggles flies undone
• Bildad the Shuhite
• bim
• birdy num-num
• BKJ
• black-coated workers
• blick auf
• blind mullet
• bloody great balloons
• blop
• BO-er
• Bob Cox
• bobaligoo
• Bob’s your parent’s sibling
• body coddler
• bog
• bogflosher
• bogpaper music
• bogpaper music
• bonbon ching gum caramel!
• bong
• boom and scrunch
• Boom-holé
• bouncealine
• breathe in, it’s good for you
• brown katies
• brunty
• bug rake
• bum in the air
• bum of the flightle bee
• bumbag aloo
• bumhug
• bumnuts
• bumpity bolliko
• bumpity-bolliko
• buttons on a wall
• can’t get his tongue round his Rs
• case case case
• cash’n’flash
• cast nasturtiums
• castrated
• chained to the oar of a magnificent galley
• charge like a wounded bull
• chilli gone barmy
• chocolate board
• chutney
• Cla’am
• clever people like me who talk loudly in restaurants
• clickage
• clootie
• cockpit ape
• code yellow
• coffinated
• collapsize
• Columbo bladder
• combine hoover
• come to the cookhouse door, boys!
• contribute!
• contrived delights of LA
• cooking fat!
• Coorg’s
• Cornish nasty
• couldn’t organise a black pudding
• cover it over quick, Jemima!
• crank tea
• cronky donkey
• crop dusting
• crunchy plate
• cuddly tick bird
• cunkspangle
• cunsternoon afterble
• curtains generation
• da hoover’s broke
• daddy socks
• dance of the bogbrush fairies
• dangleway
• de petits pois
• dead, and never called me mother
• Déjà Vu
• delusions of adequacy
• Depeche Mode
• der dee twiddly, dee twiddly, dee botty-cracks
• dere ’tis!
• desecrated coconut
• diddle diddle dumpling, mice and John
• didn’t want it ANYway!
• disgusterous
• do a Thomas
• do I have to eat the beak?
• do it self!
• do not the gate
• do you want me to write a letter?
• don fly!
• donkeys
• don’t bandy legs with me
• dots
• downside up
• drafty draft
• dry as a Nullarbor rabbit
• dudu
• dudu maki
• dumsey-whumnuts
• dunny diver
• dusty end
• E-Type punt
• East Ham
• EBI
• ecilop
• effluent
• eh wallah
• elderflosh
• elephant paper
• elsh
• emPHAHsis on the wrong syllAHble
• empty sugar bags
• encambula
• envelote
• epoophany
• extinguished
• Fabrézé
• Fairy Nuff
• fall over blackwards
• fart young smeller
• fartidoodalus
• FHB
• fiat lux, a remark attributed to God
• Fiddlywaxeye
• fin de saison
• fire eng truck
• flaming brandinis
• flappy meats
• flappy plate
• flappyfishogram
• flat out, like a lizard drinking.
• flatusphere
• flea rake
• flippin’ ug
• flopsam & jepsam
• flosh
• flutterby
• fly squatter
• fok strongbody
• for ’ron
• forgetty bowl of naise
• forn prongs
• foul infidel! Know you have trod on the toe of Abul Abulbul Amir!
• fox’s puss
• fraggleflops
• fundo-cubital dislocia
• fustercluck
• garnsed up
• gash
• gee what great looking kids – are they adopted?
• generation J
• get aht t’road ye silly beggar!
• get off and milk it!
• get off home with you!
• give every flying moment something to remember it by
• glass cherries
• go commando
• go swimming with the children
• Goat Herders’ Guide to the Galaxy (or GHGTTG)
• god rest you jerry mentlemen
• Golliwog railway
• good girl, Daddy
• good moaning
• goodndit
• goosegog
• gorillas
• grabled exnaplation
• graunty / gruncle
• Great Aunt Pottymouth
• grouse
• gubby
• Gusto
• haddoncave
• Hairy Pudder
• hankerchoof
• hatches, matches and despatches
• haus sik
• have speaks
• here’s a tanner each to go away
• hey little horsey, don’t you stop
• he’s got that round his neck
• hiding behind the door when the brains were handed out
• Higwi Kombi
• His Majesty’s Lunchbox
• hoddududuh
• hoggry tiglets!
• hogwashing hat
• hold back my sleeve while I put my finger to my forehead
• hollow legs
• holly bush
• home again, home again, jiggedy jog
• homeopathic vodka
• honey money
• honker
• hoof-hearted
• hopsital
• hopt out
• Horrible Life
• horses’s douvers
• hot holders
• hot will grow cold, if greedy will wait
• how awdinawy!
• how’s your belly off for spots?
• hullabaloo
• humididity
• hyper-bowl
• hypodemic nerdle
• I can walk from here
• I Clavdivs
• I don’t boil my cabbages twice
• I expect nothing. I fear nothing. I am free.
• I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by
• I only dropped them once
• I remember being in Scotland
• I see said the blind man as he walked into a lampost
• I takin’ my sack and my boots
• I wanna beetroot
• I want gets nothing
• I want to watch me daddy pee
• I was a fool to think the old Percy was dead
• I would as lief ’erd ‘ens
• idées au dessus de son gare
• if he fell into basin full of boobs he’d come out sucking his thumb
• if UCP on tripe don’t eat it
• if you get there first, draw a chalk line; if I get there first, I’ll rub it out
• if you’re up that way with your teeth
• Iliff Point
• Iliff Wight
• in the nothings
• insult
• it has a better chance now
• it was in the last place I looked
• it’s been a bad year for Scottish hill farmers
• it’s no skin off my teeth
• it’s only a trifle said the monkey
• it’s only me Naymee!
• it’s the water
• it’s worse than the ticktolleroo
• I’ll have the other half now
• I’ll raise a bunion on his Spanish onion
• I’m as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth
• I’m taking it back
• I’ve got my big eating hat on!
• jagular
• jam sandwich
• Jo-Jo le Plongeur
• jock
• Joe Blake
• kabiss
• katsik
• kiss me WHAT‽
• knock it on the head
• ky-oo Daddy!
• ladies of negotiable affection
• lah-pom
• law of diminishing astonishment
• laxadaisical
• le chien retourne a son propre vomissement
• le grand fromage lui-même
• leaf blower
• let my son have the ball!
• Lethal Festival
• let’s put the roof on first
• lie like a flatfish
• light a candle to Saint Anthony
• limerish
• listen to the silence!
• little birdie flying high
• little teapots have big spouts
• lobster pop
• loggy sticks
• long may your big jib draw
• longhetti
• longwe liklik
• looks like you’ve been working on it for eight hours
• lumps
• lumpy ming fruit
• madman in the attic
• maflingo
• Maggie Murphy’s please park prettily
• make friends in cookhouse
• makes your eyebrows sweat
• Marcus Aurelius
• mexicakes
• Milly-Molly-Mandy house
• mingo
• Ministry of Tidy Folk
• Ministry of Tidy Ruins
• misery bite
• misery chest
• mismanglement
• Miss/Master Flum Bum
• mloddy
• more of a meal than a drink
• Moses
• most highly flavoured gravy
• Mount Ararat
• move your lips!
• Mr Brown upstairs smoking
• Mr Bump
• muchos cocineros!
• Muggerborski
• murano
• my aunt, having made a telephone call, is feeling very much better
• my back, my belly and my two sides
• my wife’s wedding anniversary
• my word, Hetty
• myzled
• nanny nagface
• nice parking job, big guy!
• niggs
• nipple cake
• no bones in it!
• no fun allowed
• no use to man or dog
• no, it’s just the way I’m breathing
• North Pole, duty penguin
• nose pie
• not much of anything, but well and truly elegant
• Notlob
• now mighty Caesar turned to clay might stop a wall to keep the wind away
• now the weather turns quite dirty and the clock it strikes five-thirty
• noxious weed
• NQOTD
• nucking futter
• oatygoats
• obsquecious
• obstacular
• oddfather / oddmother
• oh bother!
• oh dear… how sad… never mind
• old bagaloon
• old folk joke
• omzetbelasting
• on the way to Meeting, I saw a butterfly and it reminded me of God
• One I love, Two I love, Three I love, I say
• one more shirt will do me
• one up, one down, one polisher
• ontray!
• oomagoolie
• op
• operator
• orpathedic
• osh
• our friend who travels on his belly
• ours
• ouzo
• Oyé
• p-o-tat-oes
• PAC
• Page Nine
• pang!
• par cark
• park-anywheres
• parroty error
• paucey
• peelywally
• peelywally baggie
• peepy-eyed
• perslongings
• PhD point
• pick a note or go home
• pick up fagends
• pictureskew
• piece of chelief
• pince mie
• pingams
• pinghole
• playback
• plug
• POETS day
• poffle
• pointèd stick
• poo tickets
• pornograph
• potato sock
• poverty model
• practise beforehand which ruins the fun
• prat flaps
• prickly pig
• priest car
• priestage
• propelleper
• puffin break
• pugsaw jizzle
• pump
• pumpkin time
• punctuality is a politeness of kings
• pune or play on words
• purple-headeds
• p’daahlo
• rabbit of negative euphoria
• ready-ready
• rectal floss
• rent to the ideal
• respectawiggle
• richtigetonneohnenach­barnprüfenstolz
• roastby spuds
• rough as a badger
• RTFM
• rumble-tumble
• saganaki!
• said Aunt Helga
• Saint Sean
• salad pie
• samting, nating
• sat in a tyre
• sausinge
• sealion
• second coffee
• senseless man
• shabby and miscellaneous
• shenzi
• shith-ooze
• shivery bite
• short arms, deep pockets
• shot a bunny
• shrapnel
• shrimp-wrapped
• shut up and give your arse a chance
• sickly cake
• Silliam William
• Sister / Brother
• slap it in the middle and we’ll all get a bit
• slimy ming fruit
• sloppies
• smells like coffee, looks like cocoa
• Snablats
• sniggle
• snorker
• snortelly snips
• snot harpoon
• snotty gobbles (or snot block)
• so you do that
• sof
• some people really work at being miserable
• sooky
• sound as a pound
• soya sturvya
• spacemen drop-off
• sparkling plugs
• sparrow piss
• sparrowfart
• spider werb
• Spindleshanks
• splash and dash
• splash me boots!
• spose
• square eyes
• squashed fly biscuits
• squeamful
• St Reatham
• stabbing
• Stinkyniger
• Stirling Moss, chica/chico!
• straight-straight-straight
• stuck in me clack
• stumps (or call stumps)
• sun, sea, sand and, er…, palms
• surface filing
• Suss-ar-ekal!
• susu
• susu bilong bulmacow
• swooshbox
• tadpoles
• takes the skin off your teeth
• talkie-walkie
• tarramadiddle
• tassel
• teaching wolves to chase sledges
• Teetee de Boof
• tell it not in Gath
• tentacles
• Teshco
• testiculae loquans
• testiculate
• thalassa! thalassa!
• thank you Mrs Lowsborough Goosborough
• that man did smack me with a needle!
• that’s an acquired taste: you either like it or you don’t
• that’s small onions
• that’s the badger!
• the artist is making a joke
• the camels are coming hurrah, hurrah!
• the chop
• the customer is always the customer
• the door’s not shut on my genius but…
• the full catastrophe
• the job’s a good ’un
• The Whizzer There Was
• then on Friday… no, tell a lie, it was the Saturday
• there was a young man of Tralee
• there we are then!
• there’s a ghost, there’s a ghost, throw a flannel at its face!
• there’s no show without Punch
• they are curlews of the fenland!
• they’ll never sell ice creams at that speed
• those aren’t bananas they’re plantains
• three ha’p’orth of gawd help us
• three-ee blice
• thunderwobbler
• tibbit!
• ticky tacky
• tight as a crab’s arse under water
• time to put clothes on
• tisswiss for Mummy
• toasty bombola
• tolerably early night
• too much admin
• trivium
• trowers
• trypo
• Turd & Cabbage
• two minutes’ silence for the joke that just died
• ump and tions
• undercrackers
• undercrunk
• uninvited guest at every conversation
• unleaded
• unmatched pointer
• up to a point, Lord Copper
• up your end
• Useless
• vacs up nice
• vauum
• village aunty
• vladivostok
• vulture capitalist
• wadundudundu
• Waly Disneq
• wankpanzer
• warned in a dream
• warning-warning
• Warr-Doorr
• wash horses
• washing machine
• we are the cockyolly birds all red and green and gold
• wee board
• wee knights
• wellcome home
• we’ve squeezed the goodness out of that
• whackers
• whackysticky
• what a fall of royalty!
• what mind is here o’erthrown
• what will you have? said the waiter
• when a man is tired of Bracknell…
• when I was a little girl like you…
• when you get to the final you win
• where we have been no-one shall find, For not a trace have we left behind
• where we have been, no-one can tell
• where’s the yucky bowl?
• while you’re on your feet…
• white horse
• white seals
• whocares
• who’s died?
• who’s going round the roundabout?
• who’s “she” – the cat’s mother?
• winnebago
• wishywashy place
• wisp
• wi’ oor knickers hangin’ doon
• wobblevoice
• wobulence
• WOMBAT
• wut‽
• yam all right our kid?
• yellow is mellow, but if it’s brown flush it down
• Yizanastikov the Russian
• you are my sunshine, my only sunshine
• You are very ugly today, Pa / Ma Ubu!
• you can go off people
• you daft ha’p’orth!
• you must give me the recipe
• your egg’s broken
• your tiny hand is frozen!
• yow cor wack it
• zizzer-zoof seeds
• zlotniks
• ’twill fit!!