This site is for the Mark & Naomi Iliff family. For Mark’s work persona go to Talespinner

Iliff-King phrasebook

1-2-3 wash yourself, ducky!
14155
81
a boy is a boy…
a chill wind in the Trossachs
a crow, letting
a day late and a dollar short
a kangaroo loose in the top paddick
a light to lighten the genitals
a peach of a boat
a touch of the don’t-want-to-goes
abratadabra
accident
AFM
ah-ahs
aha, Rasputin, the mad monk, climbing up those Russian steppés!
ahiggit ahugget
alec tricity
alibaba
all of a sudden a big black pudding came floating through the air
all the way round sir?
ambliance
American seat
ancestor tea
and hadn’t we the gaeity at Phil the fluter’s ball
and the band played Believe it if you like
another saucer of milk?
another saucer of milk?
anti-cretinous
any more laid back his bum would fall off
are bears Catholic?
ars bin
arsnip
assumptions make an ass of ump and tions
Aunty Brute
Aunty Mark
Australian naming
B I tish
baby abluga
bagaloons
Barley-sugar Legs
Basingrad
basking hickory stick
bastardsphere
bat tsch-tsch
bathroom thought
be told!
bearded mushrooms
beef cut
beefa leefa
Beezlebub
Ben Yehuda
bet that’s cooled his biryani down a bit
Betelgwayzay
bezz pawk
biddle biddle
big clock
big crisp
Biggles flies undone
Bildad the Shuhite
bim
birdy num-num
BKJ
black-coated workers
blick auf
blind mullet
bloody great balloons
blop
BO-er
Bob Cox
bobaligoo
Bob’s your parent’s sibling
body coddler
bog
bogflosher
bogpaper music
bogpaper music
bonbon ching gum caramel!
bong
boom and scrunch
Boom-holé
bouncealine
breathe in, it’s good for you
brown katies
brunty
bug rake
bum in the air
bum of the flightle bee
bumbag aloo
bumhug
bumnuts
bumpity bolliko
bumpity-bolliko
buttons on a wall
can’t get his tongue round his Rs
case case case
cash’n’flash
cast nasturtiums
castrated
chained to the oar of a magnificent galley
charge like a wounded bull
chilli gone barmy
chocolate board
chutney
Cla’am
clever people like me who talk loudly in restaurants
clickage
clootie
cockpit ape
code yellow
coffinated
collapsize
Columbo bladder
combine hoover
come to the cookhouse door, boys!
contribute!
contrived delights of LA
cooking fat!
Coorg’s
Cornish nasty
couldn’t organise a black pudding
cover it over quick, Jemima!
crank tea
cronky donkey
crop dusting
crunchy plate
cuddly tick bird
cunkspangle
cunsternoon afterble
curtains generation
da hoover’s broke
daddy socks
dance of the bogbrush fairies
dangleway
de petits pois
dead, and never called me mother
Déjà Vu
delusions of adequacy
Depeche Mode
der dee twiddly, dee twiddly, dee botty-cracks
dere ’tis!
desecrated coconut
diddle diddle dumpling, mice and John
didn’t want it ANYway!
disgusterous
do a Thomas
do I have to eat the beak?
do it self!
do not the gate
do you want me to write a letter?
don fly!
donkeys
don’t bandy legs with me
dots
downside up
drafty draft
dry as a Nullarbor rabbit
dudu
dudu maki
dumsey-whumnuts
dunny diver
dusty end
E-Type punt
East Ham
EBI
ecilop
effluent
eh wallah
elderflosh
elephant paper
elsh
emPHAHsis on the wrong syllAHble
empty sugar bags
encambula
envelote
epoophany
extinguished
Fabrézé
Fairy Nuff
fall over blackwards
fart young smeller
fartidoodalus
FHB
fiat lux, a remark attributed to God
Fiddlywaxeye
fin de saison
fire eng truck
flaming brandinis
flappy meats
flappy plate
flappyfishogram
flat out, like a lizard drinking.
flatusphere
flea rake
flippin’ ug
flopsam & jepsam
flosh
flutterby
fly squatter
fok strongbody
for ’ron
forgetty bowl of naise
forn prongs
foul infidel! Know you have trod on the toe of Abul Abulbul Amir!
fox’s puss
fraggleflops
fundo-cubital dislocia
fustercluck
garnsed up
gash
gee what great looking kids – are they adopted?
generation J
get aht t’road ye silly beggar!
get off and milk it!
get off home with you!
give every flying moment something to remember it by
glass cherries
go commando
go swimming with the children
Goat Herders’ Guide to the Galaxy (or GHGTTG)
god rest you jerry mentlemen
Golliwog railway
good girl, Daddy
good moaning
goodndit
goosegog
gorillas
grabled exnaplation
graunty / gruncle
Great Aunt Pottymouth
grouse
gubby
Gusto
haddoncave
Hairy Pudder
hankerchoof
hatches, matches and despatches
haus sik
have speaks
here’s a tanner each to go away
hey little horsey, don’t you stop
he’s got that round his neck
hiding behind the door when the brains were handed out
Higwi Kombi
His Majesty’s Lunchbox
hoddududuh
hoggry tiglets!
hogwashing hat
hold back my sleeve while I put my finger to my forehead
hollow legs
holly bush
home again, home again, jiggedy jog
homeopathic vodka
honey money
honker
hoof-hearted
hopsital
hopt out
Horrible Life
horses’s douvers
hot holders
hot will grow cold, if greedy will wait
how awdinawy!
how’s your belly off for spots?
hullabaloo
humididity
hyper-bowl
hypodemic nerdle
I can walk from here
I Clavdivs
I don’t boil my cabbages twice
I expect nothing. I fear nothing. I am free.
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by
I only dropped them once
I remember being in Scotland
I see said the blind man as he walked into a lampost
I takin’ my sack and my boots
I wanna beetroot
I want gets nothing
I want to watch me daddy pee
I was a fool to think the old Percy was dead
I would as lief ’erd ‘ens
idées au dessus de son gare
if he fell into basin full of boobs he’d come out sucking his thumb
if UCP on tripe don’t eat it
if you get there first, draw a chalk line; if I get there first, I’ll rub it out
if you’re up that way with your teeth
Iliff Point
Iliff Wight
in the nothings
insult
it has a better chance now
it was in the last place I looked
it’s been a bad year for Scottish hill farmers
it’s no skin off my teeth
it’s only a trifle said the monkey
it’s only me Naymee!
it’s the water
it’s worse than the ticktolleroo
I’ll have the other half now
I’ll raise a bunion on his Spanish onion
I’m as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth
I’m taking it back
I’ve got my big eating hat on!
jagular
jam sandwich
Jo-Jo le Plongeur
jock
Joe Blake
kabiss
katsik
kiss me WHAT‽
knock it on the head
ky-oo Daddy!
ladies of negotiable affection
lah-pom
law of diminishing astonishment
laxadaisical
le chien retourne a son propre vomissement
le grand fromage lui-même
leaf blower
let my son have the ball!
Lethal Festival
let’s put the roof on first
lie like a flatfish
light a candle to Saint Anthony
limerish
listen to the silence!
little birdie flying high
little teapots have big spouts
lobster pop
loggy sticks
long may your big jib draw
longhetti
longwe liklik
looks like you’ve been working on it for eight hours
lumps
lumpy ming fruit
madman in the attic
maflingo
Maggie Murphy’s please park prettily
make friends in cookhouse
makes your eyebrows sweat
Marcus Aurelius
mexicakes
Milly-Molly-Mandy house
mingo
Ministry of Tidy Folk
Ministry of Tidy Ruins
misery bite
misery chest
mismanglement
Miss/Master Flum Bum
mloddy
more of a meal than a drink
Moses
most highly flavoured gravy
Mount Ararat
move your lips!
Mr Brown upstairs smoking
Mr Bump
muchos cocineros!
Muggerborski
murano
my aunt, having made a telephone call, is feeling very much better
my back, my belly and my two sides
my wife’s wedding anniversary
my word, Hetty
myzled
nanny nagface
nice parking job, big guy!
niggs
nipple cake
no bones in it!
no fun allowed
no use to man or dog
no, it’s just the way I’m breathing
North Pole, duty penguin
nose pie
not much of anything, but well and truly elegant
Notlob
now mighty Caesar turned to clay might stop a wall to keep the wind away
now the weather turns quite dirty and the clock it strikes five-thirty
noxious weed
NQOTD
nucking futter
oatygoats
obsquecious
obstacular
oddfather / oddmother
oh bother!
oh dear… how sad… never mind
old bagaloon
old folk joke
omzetbelasting
on the way to Meeting, I saw a butterfly and it reminded me of God
One I love, Two I love, Three I love, I say
one more shirt will do me
one up, one down, one polisher
ontray!
oomagoolie
op
operator
orpathedic
osh
our friend who travels on his belly
ours
ouzo
Oyé
p-o-tat-oes
PAC
Page Nine
pang!
par cark
park-anywheres
parroty error
paucey
peelywally
peelywally baggie
peepy-eyed
perslongings
PhD point
pick a note or go home
pick up fagends
pictureskew
piece of chelief
pince mie
pingams
pinghole
playback
plug
POETS day
poffle
pointèd stick
poo tickets
pornograph
potato sock
poverty model
practise beforehand which ruins the fun
prat flaps
prickly pig
priest car
priestage
propelleper
puffin break
pugsaw jizzle
pump
pumpkin time
punctuality is a politeness of kings
pune or play on words
purple-headeds
p’daahlo
rabbit of negative euphoria
ready-ready
rectal floss
rent to the ideal
respectawiggle
richtigetonneohnenachbarnprüfenstolz
roastby spuds
rough as a badger
RTFM
rumble-tumble
saganaki!
said Aunt Helga
Saint Sean
salad pie
samting, nating
sat in a tyre
sausinge
sealion
second coffee
senseless man
shabby and miscellaneous
shenzi
shith-ooze
shivery bite
short arms, deep pockets
shot a bunny
shrapnel
shrimp-wrapped
shut up and give your arse a chance
sickly cake
Silliam William
Sister / Brother
slap it in the middle and we’ll all get a bit
slimy ming fruit
sloppies
smells like coffee, looks like cocoa
Snablats
sniggle
snorker
snortelly snips
snot harpoon
snotty gobbles (or snot block)
so you do that
sof
some people really work at being miserable
sooky
sound as a pound
soya sturvya
spacemen drop-off
sparkling plugs
sparrow piss
sparrowfart
spider werb
Spindleshanks
splash and dash
splash me boots!
spose
square eyes
squashed fly biscuits
squeamful
St Reatham
stabbing
Stinkyniger
Stirling Moss, chica/chico!
straight-straight-straight
stuck in me clack
stumps (or call stumps)
sun, sea, sand and, er…, palms
surface filing
Suss-ar-ekal!
susu
susu bilong bulmacow
swooshbox
tadpoles
takes the skin off your teeth
talkie-walkie
tarramadiddle
tassel
teaching wolves to chase sledges
Teetee de Boof
tell it not in Gath
tentacles
Teshco
testiculae loquans
testiculate
thalassa! thalassa!
thank you Mrs Lowsborough Goosborough
that man did smack me with a needle!
that’s an acquired taste: you either like it or you don’t
that’s small onions
that’s the badger!
the artist is making a joke
the camels are coming hurrah, hurrah!
the chop
the customer is always the customer
the door’s not shut on my genius but…
the full catastrophe
the job’s a good ’un
The Whizzer There Was
then on Friday… no, tell a lie, it was the Saturday
there was a young man of Tralee
there we are then!
there’s a ghost, there’s a ghost, throw a flannel at its face!
there’s no show without Punch
they are curlews of the fenland!
they’ll never sell ice creams at that speed
those aren’t bananas they’re plantains
three ha’p’orth of gawd help us
three-ee blice
thunderwobbler
tibbit!
ticky tacky
tight as a crab’s arse under water
time to put clothes on
tisswiss for Mummy
toasty bombola
tolerably early night
too much admin
trivium
trowers
trypo
Turd & Cabbage
two minutes’ silence for the joke that just died
ump and tions
undercrackers
undercrunk
uninvited guest at every conversation
unleaded
unmatched pointer
up to a point, Lord Copper
up your end
Useless
vacs up nice
vauum
village aunty
vladivostok
vulture capitalist
wadundudundu
Waly Disneq
wankpanzer
warned in a dream
warning-warning
Warr-Doorr
wash horses
washing machine
we are the cockyolly birds all red and green and gold
wee board
wee knights
wellcome home
we’ve squeezed the goodness out of that
whackers
whackysticky
what a fall of royalty!
what mind is here o’erthrown
what will you have? said the waiter
when a man is tired of Bracknell…
when I was a little girl like you…
when you get to the final you win
where we have been no-one shall find, For not a trace have we left behind
where we have been, no-one can tell
where’s the yucky bowl?
while you’re on your feet…
white horse
white seals
whocares
who’s died?
who’s going round the roundabout?
who’s “she” – the cat’s mother?
winnebago
wishywashy place
wisp
wi’ oor knickers hangin’ doon
wobblevoice
wobulence
WOMBAT
wut‽
yam all right our kid?
yellow is mellow, but if it’s brown flush it down
Yizanastikov the Russian
you are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You are very ugly today, Pa / Ma Ubu!
you can go off people
you daft ha’p’orth!
you must give me the recipe
your egg’s broken
your tiny hand is frozen!
yow cor wack it
zizzer-zoof seeds
zlotniks
’twill fit!!

definition

spider werb noun

Spider’s web

Origin

Cherished malapropism

Collected by

Joy – 1990s
Joy Healiff (Iliff) – offspring of owners

Submitted: 27/06/2021 by Mark